


i can't live if you go away

by laminy



Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [14]
Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitalization, M/M, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22212742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laminy/pseuds/laminy
Summary: Domestic life is sweet for Rami and Joe: Rami's back in university, Joe cooks, they have a happy routine, and more importantly, they're in love. They're making plans for Rami's spring break when one of them gets sick, and then it turns to something worse.(latest story so far, takes place in March 2041)
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee, Rami Malek/Joe Mazzello
Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1438129
Comments: 48
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

Joe’s alarm goes off, and he jerks as it shocks him awake. He groans, reaching over to turn it off, and then flops back onto the mattress. 

“Come on,” Rami says, kicking at Joe’s leg, pushing at the blankets.

“No,” Joe whines, and Rami laughs, climbing out of bed. No matter how many times he gets up for work, it does not matter, Joe is always tired, and it always takes him a few minutes to mentally prepare himself to get up. It helps on the days, like today, when Rami has a morning class and gets up with him. Spring term is almost over though, which means that pretty soon, Joe will be back to getting up alone every day while Rami gets to sleep in and hang out with Gwil and Ben all day. “Ugh,” Joe groans, and he finally stands up, walking into the bathroom. He leans against the counter, rubbing at his face. “Morning,” he says, and he leans in to give Rami a quick kiss as he washes his hands.

“Morning,” Rami says happily. “Are you eating anything for breakfast?”

“Are you _making_ anything for breakfast?” Joe asks, and Rami laughs a bit.

“Uh, I can,” he says. “Something quick. Meet you down there?”

“Coffee, please and thank you,” Joe says, and Rami nods, giving him another kiss as he walks by Joe. Joe yawns as he goes to pee. His mind drifts for a bit, mostly just thinking about Rami and their morning routine, and how he asks Rami to make him coffee but Rami would already know that Joe wants a cup before he goes to work. He sighs, flushing the toilet and going to wash his hands. He can’t believe that it’s been almost two years since he met Rami; that they’ve lived together for almost a year-and-a-half (and wow did they ever move quickly, Joe thinks, but he thinks that’s alright, it’s worked out pretty well). Two years ago, he had no idea that Rami was even alive, and now they’ve just settled into life, and their apartment, and they’ll going to be _married_ this year (the thought of which still makes Joe giddy).

He glances out the bedroom window to try to quickly discern the weather, but it just looks grey, as usual. He attempts to tidy up the bed a bit as he walks by it, but he’ll make it once he and Rami come back up to change. He glances into the second bedroom, and doesn’t see Augie in his kitty condo, so he assumes that he’s already downstairs with Rami. He walks downstairs, and into the kitchen, where Rami already has a pot of water on the stove. “I’ll get the toast,” he says, grabbing the loaf of bread and the bread knife.

“Thank you,” Rami says, cracking a couple eggs into a small bowl, waiting for the water to boil.

“What’s for supper tonight?” Joe asks, slicing the bread. “Did you have an idea or do you want me to make something?”

“I don’t know when I’ll be home tonight,” Rami says. Joe frowns a bit, glancing over at him. “I just have to go to the library,” he explains. “It depends on how much I get done.”

“Okay,” Joe says. He sighs a bit. “Well, okay, I’ll make something when I get home tonight and if you’re not done then, then that’s okay.”

Rami looks at him, smiling. “Don’t sound so sad,” he says. “I want to get as much done now so that I don’t end up scrambling at the end of the Easter break. I have exams as soon as we start back up, you know. And then _right_ after that my project starts—”

Joe groans, and wraps his arms around Rami’s waist, pulling him in. “I know, I know,” he says. “You’re smart and important and have way more work to do than I do.”

“I didn’t say _that_ ,” Rami says, laughing and pulling back. “Joe, the water is—”

“Oh, it can boil for a minute,” Joe says, burying his face in Rami’s neck, taking a deep breath.

Rami smiles, resting against Joe. “Are you seeing Ben today?” he asks.

Joe shrugs. Sometimes Ben and/or Gwil come to the IIS to hang out with Joe over his lunch, but they don’t have any plans for it today. “I don’t know,” he says, “probably not. How come?”

“Nothing,” Rami says, “I’ll just message him. Private stuff, you know.” He smiles and winks, and finally pulls away from Joe to turn to the heat on the stove down, reducing the water to a simmer.

“Oh, fine,” Joe says, knowing that _private stuff_ means wedding stuff that Rami wants to be a surprise. Not that they’re not planning the wedding together, they are, but each of them have little surprises planned for the other one, and Ben is the one that Rami has entrusted his secrets to. Joe, in turn, is relying on Gwil, though he thinks that Ben and Gwil are probably swapping stories.

Rami dips the bowl with the eggs into the water, letting it cook for a moment before he lets it drop into the water. “How’s that toast going?” Rami asks, glancing at Joe, and he laughs when Joe scrambles to check.

“Fine,” Joe says, “just fine.” He sighs a bit. “Okay, so.” He walks over to the refrigerator where they’ve got a calendar hanging, and he flips to April, looking at the days blocked off for Rami’s break. He yawns, rubbing at his eyes, and then walks back over to the cupboards, grabbing a couple plates, waiting for their toast. “Did the tickets from the Donmar come in the mail yet?”

Rami shakes his head, gently moving the water around with a spoon as the eggs cook. “We just pick them up the night of,” he says.

Joe nods, and then walks back over to the refrigerator, taking out a carton of orange juice. He pours a couple glasses, and then picks up his, taking a long, slow drink. “Did you hear back about the next time Nelly’s going to MK?”

Rami shakes his head again. “Not yet, no, but thanks for reminding me. I’ll call her today.” He glances over. “Is the toast ready yet?” he asks. “I think the eggs are almost done.”

“Sure,” Joe says. He turns around, and pops the toast up, putting a couple slices on each plate. He moves the plates closer to Rami before he grabs the butter. He quickly butters each slice and then Rami picks the poached eggs up with a spoon, carefully placing one on each slice. Joe grabs some red pepper flakes, sprinkling it on his toast, while Rami just grabs salt and pepper. “Thank you,” Joe says, and Rami smiles.

“You’re welcome,” he says. “Team effort.” They hear a meow and they both look down. “Oh, hi Augie!” Rami says, kneeling down to pet him. “Hello,” he says. “Good morning.”

Joe leaves his glass of orange juice and then grabs the mug of coffee from the machine, and takes a sip. “He has a vet appointment soon,” Joe says, nudging at Rami with his foot.

“Is it on the calendar?” Rami asks, glancing back. Joe nods. “Alright,” he says, “we can make sure he doesn’t miss it. Can’t we, Augie? We don’t want you to miss it, do we Augie?”

“I think we scheduled it for while you’re on break so we didn’t have to worry about it,” Joe says.

Rami nods. “But— is it before or after New York?” He stands up, looking at the calendar for April, frowning. “It’s _during_ New York,” he says, glancing at Joe.

“That’s fine,” Joe says. “We can reschedule it for after.”

Rami frowns a bit. “Before might be better,” he says softly. “I don’t know what kind of mood I’m going to be in around the 20th.”

“Right,” Joe says. Rami will be working on his research project full-time all summer, so this trip is their last opportunity to see Joe’s family before they fly in for the wedding in October. They planned it so that the four of them could have a week together in the city again, but be back in London for the second anniversary of the Mercury. “Before it is. I’ll call today.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, and he grabs his toast, taking a big bite. “Yummy, Augie!” he says. He grabs his orange juice, and takes a sip. He looks over at Joe, smiling.

“What?” Joe asks. “Something on my face?”

Rami shakes his head. “Nothing, just being sweet,” he says. “This is nice, is all.”

“Aww, you sweet on me, babe?” Joe asks. He reaches out, patting Rami on the ass. “I love you too.”

“Gee, thanks,” Rami says flatly, but then he laughs. He takes another bite of toast, chewing as he thinks. “What were you planning on making for supper tonight?” he asks.

“Uh, just that butternut squash ravioli we bought,” Joe says.

“Ooh, my favourite,” Rami says. “Okay, I promise I’ll be home from the library in time.”

“Okay,” Joe says, smiling. “And are the lads coming over for supper?” he asks.

Rami shrugs. “Do you want them to?” he asks.

“I don’t know, but we have enough ravioli if they want to,” Joe says. He takes a bite of toast, chewing it a couple times before starting to talk with his mouth full. “Ask Gwil if you want.”

“Ew, Joe,” Rami says, and Joe sticks his tongue out at him. Rami playfully gags. “Don’t, or I’ll vomit poached egg everywhere.” He takes another bite, and then glances at the clock on the stove. “I should start getting dressed,” he murmurs.

“Finish breakfast, please,” Joe says. “Come on, you’re a growing boy.”

Rami smiles and roll his eyes, but he finishes the toast anyway, and then drinks his orange juice. He and Joe head back upstairs, and Rami brushes his teeth and washes his face while Joe flops down onto the bed, waiting for him to be done. Even though they have two bathrooms, Joe is content to just wait. And besides, he can be a few minutes late to work. Rami can’t really be late for his classes— or, at least, he hates it when other people are, so he tries not to be.

Rami comes out to get dressed, and then Joe goes into the bathroom to wash up as well. Rami grabs his backpack, making sure it has everything he needs, even though he packed it the night before, and then ducks his head into the bathroom. “I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Okay,” Joe says. He leans over, giving Rami a kiss. “I will call the vet.”

“And I will call Nelly and Gwil,” Rami says. “Love you!”

“Love you too,” Joe says. “Have a good day! Learn important things.”

Rami laughs. “Bye!” He heads down the stairs and grabs his jacket, pulling on his shoes, and then leans down to give Augie some goodbye scratches. He walks the two minute walk to the Covent Garden tube station, and gets on the Piccadilly Line. It’s only about ten minutes to the South Kensington station, and he gets off and walks the short distance to Imperial College. He takes out his mobile while he’s waiting for his professor, and messages Gwil, telling him about the ravioli and that he’s welcome. He puts a reminder in his phone to call up Nelly later on the in the day, and then sighs. He sniffles a bit, and rubs at his nose. He still feels tired, maybe a bit achy, but he assumes it’s just because of the stress of coursework as the semester winds down. He gently clears his throat, and settles back in his seat.

\+ + + + +

Rami shivers a bit as he opens the door to the flat, and he’s greeted with the warmth and light and voices that tell him Ben and Gwil are already over. “Hello!” he calls out, and he smiles down at Augie. “Hello to you too,” he says softly. He sniffles and then coughs, shrugging off his jacket and reaching down to pull off his shoes.

“Bonjour!” Joe calls out, and then Rami can hear Ben laugh.

“Hi,” Gwil says, ducking his head out of the kitchen, and Rami smiles, giving him a wave. “How was the library?”

“Oh, it was alright, I hope,” Rami says. “I’m getting a bit nervous about exams.”

“Oh, no,” Gwil says, frowning. “That’s— you’ll be alright. I can help, you know. Or try, anyway.”

“I know,” Rami says, patting Gwil on the arm. “I’m just going to run my things upstairs and I’ll be right back down.”

“Okay,” Gwil says, and he smiles at him.

Rami coughs a couple times as he heads upstairs. He drops off his bag and then changes out of his trousers and jumper into a pair of joggers, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. He shivers a bit, so he zips the hoodie up, but by the time he’s back downstairs, he’s too warm again, and he unzips it. “What’s going on?” he asks, walking into the kitchen.

“Just looking at your calendar,” Ben says, standing at the refrigerator. “I don’t know how you do it all, mate.”

“Oh,” Rami shrugs. “I don’t— a lot of it’s with you. And Joe helps.”

“Yeah Ben,” Joe says, “I _help_.”

“Are you sure you’ve got enough time for revision?” Ben asks. “I was looking at your exams.”

“It’ll be fine,” Rami says, giving him a smile. “I hope. I— I think so.” He zips up his hoodie again. “Don’t try to get out of New York, Ben,” he says.

“Me?” Ben asks. “Never.” He smiles, and leans against the counter, watching Joe at the stove.

“How was your day?” Rami asks, looking at Gwil.

“Fine,” Gwil says. “Ben and I went for a jog this morning.” Joe gags loudly, and Ben playfully kicks at him.

“Oh, how healthy,” Rami says, and Joe starts to laugh.

“Nothing else to do,” Ben says, then he thinks for a moment. “Well, there are _other_ ways to spend the time,” he says, and then he gives Gwil a cheeky smile.

“Oh ho,” Joe says, glancing around. “Ben’s getting naughty. Not in my goddamn kitchen,” he says.

“Try not to,” Gwil says.

“I’ll start getting the table ready,” Ben says, pushing himself off the counter, walking towards the cupboard, but he’s distracted by Gwil reaching out to grab his hand. “What?” he asks, and Gwil just smiles and gives him a kiss. “Okay,” he says, laughing a bit, pulling away. He opens the cupboard and grabs four plates, setting them on the counter beside Joe, and then he opens the refrigerator, grabbing the water.

“Oh Ben, you don’t have to,” Rami says, sniffling a bit.

“Got a cold, babe?” Joe asks, glancing back at him.

“It’s fine,” Ben says, giving him a smile as he sets the water down on the counter and then grabs four glasses, taking them into the dining room.

Rami shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says to Joe, “maybe. Just felt tired all day. I might go to bed early tonight.”

“Oh, we can leave,” Gwil says suddenly, and Rami smiles at him.

“Well, I’m not going to bed _now_ ,” he says. “I just want to make sure I get a good sleep tonight.”

“At least you don’t have a morning class tomorrow,” Joe says. “I’ll make sure you can sleep in.”

Rami smiles at that, because there’s no way Joe can get out of bed and get ready in the morning without Rami waking up, but he appreciates the thought. 

Joe reaches out to him, putting his hand on Rami’s forehead. “You’re warm,” he says. “You good?”

Rami nods. “I’m fine,” he says. “Just a little chilly.”

“You want to eat in the living room?” Joe asks. “I can get you all bundled up on the sofa like a little old lady.”

Rami laughs a bit, which turns into a cough. “No, I’m fine,” he says. “I’m just going to go sit down though.”

“Okay,” Joe says, frowning a bit as Rami turns and walks across the hall into the dining room, taking his seat, followed by Gwil.

“Are you alright?” Gwil asks, and Rami nods, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. 

“Fine,” he says. “Just tired.”

Ben walks in with the water, and starts pouring their drinks for them. When he’s done, he sits down next to Gwil, yawning a bit.

“Are you sick too?” Gwil asks, looking at him with a worried expression.

“No, I’m fine,” Ben says. "Just tired from all our _running_." He smiles at Gwil, and reaches out, taking his hand.

“Aww, gross,” Joe says, walking in with a couple plates. Ben rolls his eyes but takes his hand back from Gwil’s anyway, and then Joe walks back into the kitchen to grab the other two plates. He puts them down on the table and then says “be right back,” as he hurries off. He comes back a minute or two later with a pill bottle in his hand. “Here,” he says handing it to Rami. “For your fever.”

“Thank you,” Rami says. He takes a couple of the paracetamol, and takes a drink of water. “Thank you for supper,” he says to Joe.

“You’re welcome,” Joe says.

“Yes, thank you,” Gwil nods. “We always appreciate the invitation.”

“You don’t need an invitation,” Rami says, smiling at him. “It’s your flat just as much as ours.”

“Oh,” Joe says, looking at them in surprise. “Hey, Gwil, do you mind paying all that back rent you owe me? I can send you an invoice.”

“No, I’m alright, but cheers,” Gwil says, taking a bite of his ravioli. “Oh, this is great.”

“Gwil doesn’t owe us anything, Joe,” Rami says. “He’s my best mate and he’s welcome to come here any time.”

“And?” Ben prompts.

“And Ben too,” Rami says, smiling at him.

Ben looks at Joe, smirking. 

“Whatever,” Joe says. “Start earning your keep then, Ben. What is it you do again?”

“Ouch,” Ben says. “Is someone jealous that I get to sleep in every day with my boyfriend?”

“Yes, I am, actually,” Joe says, and Ben laughs a bit. “Very much so.” He smiles and starts digging into ravioli. As he’s chewing, he looks over at Rami, who’s sort of pushing at his pasta, frowning. “You okay?” he asks.

Rami looks up, and nods. “Yes, sorry,” he says. “I’m sure it’s delicious, I’m just not sure if I…” He picks up a piece of ravioli, and starts chewing it, forcing himself to swallow it down.

“Babe, do you wanna go to bed now?” Joe asks. “Don’t make yourself eat it if you’re sick.”

“Certainly don't stay up on our account,” Gwil says. “Go to bed, get some rest.”

Rami looks around, and finally sighs, nodding. “Alright,” he says. “I’m sorry. It was supposed to be a special meal, and I— I really do like it, Joe,” he says, pushing his chair back.

“I know that,” Joe says. “Go get some rest, okay?” He leans back in his chair, grabbing onto Rami’s hand. “Are you still going to set an alarm for tomorrow?” he asks.

Rami nods, and leans down, kissing Joe’s forehead. “I’ll be okay,” he says. “Bye, guys,” he says, looking at Gwil and Ben. “I’m sorry I can’t stay up.”

“No, go to bed,” Ben says. “We’re alright.”

“Let us know if you need anything,” Gwil says, and Rami nods, waving at them. 

“Love you,” he says softly to Joe, and Joe mouths it back to him, before smiling. Rami walks down the hall, and then smiles at Augie, stretched out on the sofa. “Come on,” he says softly, leaning down to pick Augie up. “You want to come to bed with me?” he asks, petting him. “Just for a bit, come on.” He walks upstairs, into the master bedroom, and sets Augie down on the bed. He quickly goes to the bathroom, and splashes cold water on his face. He takes off his hoodie and shivers a bit, crawling into bed. He tugs at the blankets, trying to get comfortable. He doesn’t feel _that_ terrible; he’s sure he’ll be better in the morning. He just needs some rest.

\+ + + + +

As predicted, Joe’s alarm going off the next day wakes Rami up, and he immediately groans, tugging the blankets over his head.

“Sorry,” Joe says softly, quickly turning off the alarm and climbing out of bed. “Go back to sleep.” He heads into the bathroom, and Rami squeezes his eyes shut, willing himself to fall back asleep but his head is absolutely _pounding_.

When Joe comes back out of the bathroom, he sits down on the mattress and hesitantly reaches his hand out to Rami’s shoulder. “Babe?” he asks softly. Rami pushes the blankets off his face, and looks up at Joe, eyes barely open. “Shit, you’re sweating,” Joe says. He puts his hand to Rami’s forehead. “Holy shit, how warm are you right now?” he asks. He pushes himself up and hurries into the bathroom.

Rami can hear him fumbling with the medicine cabinet and he rolls onto his back, groaning. A minute later, Joe comes back out, a glass of water in one hand, and a thermometer and more paracetamol in the other. 

“Sit up for a second,” Joe says, climbing onto the bed. He sets the thermometer down and then hands Rami the pills, waiting for him to put them in his mouth before holding the glass up to his lips. “Just drink this slowly,” he says.

Rami nods wearily, and then gasps softly when he pulls back, reaching up to wipe at his mouth.

“How do you feel?” Joe asks.

“Awful,” Rami says. “My head hurts.” He coughs once, and then coughs again, and it’s like he can’t stop coughing, until Joe helps him lie flat against the pillows again, gently shushing him.

“Here,” Joe says, holding the thermometer up to his mouth. “I just wanna check.” Rami opens his mouth and coughs a bit, but he holds the thermometer under his tongue until it beeps, and Joe takes it back out. “Holy— 38.9 degrees. That’s— that’s warm. That’s like…holy shit, Rami, you have a fever of 102.”

“I’m fine,” Rami murmurs, before he coughs again. “Just…sleep. I’ll sleep.”

“Rami, we should go to the hospital,” Joe says. He sighs, reaching over to grab his phone. He quickly Googles ‘how high fever hospital’ and then he frowns. The first result says not to go unless the fever is 103 or higher. “Well, fuck,” he mutters. He sighs again. “Okay, well, you’re not going to school today,” he says. “I’m not going to work either.”

“No, Joe,” Rami protests weakly. “You go, I’m fine.”

“No way,” Joe says. “No— I. Nope. I’m going to stay here and take care of you, okay?” Joe blows out a breath. “I’m going to get you more water,” he says, “and then you’re going to try to go back to sleep.” He grabs the glass and climbs off the bed, filling it up in the bathroom again. He helps Rami sit up a bit, holding the glass up to his mouth. “Lots of fluids for a fever, okay,” he says softly, and Rami just nods, eyes barely open. Joe sits there, holding Rami up, until the glass is mostly empty, and then he shifts, helping him back down. “Okay,” he says. “I…I’m going to go call in,” he says. “And I’ll— I’ll be downstairs, okay?” Rami nods slowly, snuggling back into his pillows. “But I’ll check on you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Rami breathes, and Joe frowns, his stomach twisting nervously. He grabs his phone off the nightstand and walks out of the bedroom, only closing the door about halfway. He sends an email to his supervisor, saying he won’t be in today, but that he’ll try to get something done from home if he can, and then he texts the group chat about Rami being sick. He sighs, shifting on the sofa. 102 fever…he’s not sure that he’s ever had a fever that high before. He’s about to call his mother for advice, but then remembers the time difference and sighs again. 

Gwil and Ben are probably still sleeping, Joe thinks, and he has nothing to do but be nervous and worry. He goes into the kitchen to make himself a coffee, and he leans against the counter, thinking. He’ll go up in an hour or two, and if Rami’s awake, he’ll give him more water, and maybe take his temperature again. He’ll definitely try to make him eat something at lunch, even if it’s just toast or something. 

Joe’s still in the kitchen, drinking coffee, when his phone rings. “Hello?” he asks.

“Hi, how is he?” Gwil asks, and Joe sighs.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Warm. I— I’m not sure other than that.”

“Are you taking him to see a doctor?”

“I don’t know,” Joe says. “The Internet says that 102 fever is like, intermediate. For an adult, it’s not _that_ bad. I’m going to keep an eye on it though, see if it goes up.”

“Do you need me to come over?” Gwil asks. 

“I don’t know,” Joe says. “I mean, the company won’t hurt, but he might be contagious, right? I feel like— I mean, I’ll probably get it, for sure, we sleep together, but you and Ben should stay away, maybe.”

“Do you want us to bring you anything?” Gwil asks. “We can just run over, drop it off. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Joe says, “I don’t feel sick at all, but…I don’t know. He’s— it’s really high, right?”

“It is,” Gwil agrees.

Joe sighs. “No, uh, don’t come by,” he says. “I don’t want you guys getting sick too, though, shit…you might already be from last night.”

“I feel fine,” Gwil says.

“And Ben?” Joe asks.

“Ben’s at his flat,” Gwil replies, “so I don’t know.”

“It’ll probably be another five hours before Ben manages to wake up,” Joe says. “Okay. Uh. Well, let me know if you start feeling bad, and I’ll let you know how Rami is doing, okay?”

“Call if you need anything, Joe,” Gwil says. “Or if he needs anything. Or if you just need to chat, alright?”

“Okay, thanks,” Joe says. “Bye.” He ends the call, and then finishes his coffee before walking back into the living room. He grabs his laptop and curls up on the sofa, googling everything he can about high fevers and the flu. He’s a couple hours into it, on a Wikipedia page of famous people who died from the flu, before Ben finally messages him back.

_Mate, is he alright?_

_I don’t know, I haven’t checked on him in a couple hours. What was your fever when you went to the hospital last year, do you know?_

_Like 37, I think? But I was in a lot of pain. is he?_

_No, I don’t think so. Just warm. He’s sleeping._

_Then he’s better off than I was, mate. I couldn’t sleep that night at all. I’m sure he’s alright. You want me to come over?_

_No, he might be contagious, thanks thoguh._

_Will you let us know how he is/? I’m with Gwil now._

_Of course you are ;) And yeah, of course I wlll_

_Yes, we’re shagging as I type._

_Ooh, a multitasker. Give Gwil my regards_

_Fuck off_

_Tell Gwil that, not me_

Joe sighs, tossing his phone to the side. He pushes himself up and goes into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice, and then walks upstairs. “Rami,” he says softly, walking into their bedroom. Rami’s asleep, at least, but Joe’s not sure if he should wake him up or not. He sets the orange juice down and then crouches beside the bed, gently touching him. “Rami,” he says. “Wake up, okay? You gotta pee and you gotta drink this.”

Rami murmurs in his sleep, and shifts a bit. Joe frowns at how warm Rami still feels, but he doesn’t feel worse, at least. “Come on,” Joe says, pressing his hand to Rami’s face. “Wake up, babe, okay. Rami,” he says a bit louder.

Rami groans and his eyes flicker a bit, taking a moment to focus on Joe.

“Hey, babe,” Joe says. “Come on, you gotta pee,” he says. “Up we go.”

“I’m fine,” Rami murmurs, and Joe nods. 

“I’m sure you are,” Joe says, helping Rami sit up, pushing the blankets off him. “But you’re gonna pee and have some juice and then you can go back to bed, okay? How do you feel?”

“Warm,” Rami says softly, clutching at Joe as they slowly walk across the room to the bathroom. “I’m sore,” he says.

“Yeah?” Joe asks. “Like, in your stomach, or just all over?”

“Just all over,” Rami says, and Joe nods, reaching down to lift up the lid on the toilet. 

“Okay,” Joe says. “Uh, do you need help?” he asks. “I can—”

“I’m okay,” Rami says, and Joe nods, leaning against the counter, waiting for Rami to finish. He flushes and then turns to the sink, quickly washing his hands, and Joe helps him dry them off.

“Okay, just have some juice before you go back to bed,” Joe says, guiding Rami back into their bedroom. Rami sits down on the edge of the bed, and Joe grabs the glass of orange juice, holding it up to his mouth.

Rami takes a couple sips, and then pulls back. “Did you stay home?” he asks, looking at Joe.

“Yeah,” Joe says, nodding. “Of course.”

“Oh, Joe,” Rami says softly, and he takes another drink. “I wish you didn’t.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you here alone like this,” Joe says. “Would you leave me?” Rami blinks a couple times, and then slowly shakes his head. “No, didn’t think so,” Joe says, smiling. “So come on, drink a bit more. You’re supposed to drink a lot when you have a fever.” 

Rami nods, and then finishes off the glass, and Joe helps him climb back into bed. “I’m…tired,” Rami says, and Joe reaches out, pushing his sweaty curls back from his forehead, nodding.

“Go back to sleep,” Joe says. “I’ll check on you again in a few hours, okay?” Rami nods, and reaches up to scratch at his neck, before taking a deep breath and seemingly drifting off right away. Joe watches him for a few moments, and then finally stands up, going back downstairs.

The day passes by slowly. Joe finally gets something to eat for himself, and then he goes into the second bathroom to shower and change, not wanting to disturb Rami that much. He goes back downstairs and heats up some soup for Rami’s lunch, and then takes it up to him, helping him eat most of it. He gives Rami another pill, and takes him to the bathroom again, and then puts him back to bed. 

Joe texts Gwil and Ben off-and-on throughout the day. He briefly contemplates doing something for work but ends up having a nap on the sofa for a couple hours before he gets up and decides to eat again. He also finally calls home to speak to his mom, asking if he should be taking Rami to the hospital or not. She says no, that he’s right to be worried but 102 is still safe, and that she would keep taking care of him and keep an eye on his temperature, but since he otherwise seems okay, he’s probably fine. Joe’s still not sure, he still thinks it sounds too high, but he just agrees with his mom and then goes back to his computer.

It’s the early evening, around six o’clock, and Joe’s eating a pretty crappy supper alone in the dining room when he hears footsteps on the stairs, and a weak voice calling out his name. “Rami?” he asks, standing up quickly. “Hey hey, what are you doing down here?” he asks, hurrying over to Rami. “You could’ve fallen down the stairs or something.”

“I’m okay,” Rami murmurs, pulling Joe into a hug.

“Yeah?” Joe asks, rubbing Rami’s back. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay,” Rami says again. He pulls back, rubbing at his eyes. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Eating supper,” Joe says. “I can heat you up some more soup, if you want it. You should eat more.”

“Can I have a tea?” Rami asks, and Joe smiles, nodding. 

“Yeah, of course,” Joe says, helping Rami get settled on the sofa. “I’ll go make you one, okay? Just sit tight.” He hurries into the kitchen, getting his tea ready, and toasts some bread for him as well. He carries it out into the living room, and then goes back into the dining room to grab his food, taking it into the living room as well. He sits down, then puts his hand to Rami’s forehead. “You don’t feel any warmer,” he says.

“No, I’m okay, I think,” Rami says, nodding. “It’s…the sleep helped.”

“Yeah?” Joe asks. “Okay, good.” He smiles at Rami, reaching out to rest his hand on his knee. “You had me worried for a bit.”

“I know,” Rami says softly, leaning back against the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s…it’s fine,” Joe says. “Gwil and Ben asked a couple times if we wanted them to stop by but I said no.”

“No,” Rami shakes his head, “I don’t want to get them sick.” He takes a couple sips of tea, and then coughs. He keeps coughing, and Joe reaches out to carefully take the drink from him before Rami spills it all over the place. Rami pauses a bit to groan and rub at his chest, and then he coughs some more.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Joe says, pulling Rami in towards him, rubbing his back, gently rocking him back and forth. “I got you,” he says, shushing him.

Rami nods, and coughs a bit longer, until it finally settles down, and he just rests against Joe. “Sorry,” he whispers, and Joe shakes his head.

“In sickness and in health, babe,” Joe says, “cough all over me, that’s what I’m here for.”

Rami laughs a bit and then coughs once more, snuggling against him. "In sickness and in health," he murmurs.

“You wanna drink some more tea?” Joe asks. “Or do you wanna— oh, should you have a shower? I think the steam is supposed to help. I can hold you up.”

“That sounds nice,” Rami murmurs, and Joe nods, carefully standing up, and walking Rami back upstairs. Joe decides not to mention that it’ll be his second shower of the day, Rami doesn’t need to know that. He helps him undress, and then quickly takes his clothes off as well, turning the shower up as high as he thinks they can stand it, and waits until there’s lots of steam before helping Rami into the tub.

Joe wraps his arms around Rami’s waist, and guides him under the water. He doesn’t think there’s going to be much actual washing going on, it’d be too much manoeuvring right now, but he just wants to get all the sweat rinsed off him. He does grab a bar of soap and quickly run it over Rami’s chest and arms, and then helps him rinse off. They stand in there for a bit longer, because he thinks the steam is helping Rami breathe a bit better, and he hasn’t coughed yet, and then Joe turns off the water, and helps Rami out of the shower. 

Joe grabs some towels and wraps one around his waist, and then starts helping dry Rami off. They walk into the bedroom, and Joe looks at their bed, and what are most definitely sweat-soaked sheets, and he sighs. “Babe, I’m going to put you in the other room tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Rami says softly, and Joe gives him a smile. Joe grabs a clean t-shirt and boxers for Rami to sleep in, and then finishes drying him off, and helps him get dressed, before they walk across the hall to the other bedroom. Joe’s stayed in there with Ben, and Rami’s stayed in there with Gwil, but they’ve never actually slept in there together. Joe tugs back the blankets and helps Rami climb into bed. He runs and gets him another glass of water and a pill, and then tucks him in.

Joe quickly dries off and gets dressed, and then pulls all the sweaty sheets off the bed, bundling them up with their clothes, and then tosses them in the laundry machine. He puts clean sheets on their bed, and makes it up, and then heads back downstairs to clean up their food and dishes.

By the time everything is tidied up and their laundry is done, Joe’s tired. He did almost nothing all day, but he’s still ready for bed. He messages Gwil and Ben, telling them that he thinks Rami’s better, he was up and walking around, but that they’re going to bed now, and he’ll talk to them in the morning. He walks into the second bedroom, smiles at Augie who’s on his kitty condo, and then gets into bed with Rami. He decides against setting an alarm; even if Rami’s feeling better, he’s still not going to class, and Joe is happy to stay home with him another day. He tugs at the blankets and snuggles in, listening to the sound of Rami breathing. It’s a bit weaker than usual, certainly not as deep as it should be, but it sounds okay. He thinks he sounds better. Joe smiles, and gives Rami’s forehead a kiss.

\+ + + + +

Joe takes a deep breath, stretching out under the blankets. He groans and feels his shoulder pop a bit, and then he reaches out for Rami. He frowns, and lifts his head, blinking a couple times as he looks around. The room is empty, but the door is open, so he assumes that Rami’s gotten up to use the bathroom. “Rami?” he calls out. There’s no answer, and Joe sits up. “Rami,” he says again. He pushes the blankets off his lap, and stands up, going out into the hallway. He glances into the bathroom, jumping a bit when he sees Rami standing there in the dark. “Hey, babe,” he says gently, “are you okay?”

Rami doesn’t answer, just reaches his hand up, trying to flick the light switch. But he misses. Joe watches him try again, and he misses again.

“Rami,” Joe says. “Can you hear me?” He takes a step towards him, and Rami tries flicking the light switch again, still missing by a couple inches. Joe hesitantly reaches out, pressing his hand to Rami’s forehead. “Fuck, babe, stay there, okay?” He runs into their bedroom, and grabs the thermometer, and then hurries back into the bathroom. “Open your mouth, okay?” He reaches out, grasping onto Rami’s chin, and inserts the thermometer into his mouth. “Rami, can you hear me?”

Rami looks at Joe, but it’s also like he’s…not really seeing him. He sways a bit on his feet, and then reaches out again, this time moving his hand around Joe, but not touching him. The thermometer beeps, and Joe takes it out of Rami’s mouth, looking at the number. “40.3,” he says softly, and then he does the math in his head. 104.5 degrees. “Rami,” he says, “Rami, we gotta go to the hospital now, okay?” Rami doesn’t say anything, so Joe runs into the second bedroom to grab his phone, and then runs into the master bedroom to grab both of their wallets, and then he goes back to the bathroom, where Rami is now sitting on the floor. It doesn’t look like he’s collapsed, though, he’s just…sitting.

Joe quickly texts Gwil and Ben to let them know what’s happening, and then he calls 999, explaining to them that his fiancé has an extremely high fever, isn’t responding to him, and seems sort of…off. Joe is in tears by the time he’s done talking, and he’s trying not to sob, and listen to the operator, but he just has no idea what’s going on. Joe sniffles and wipes at his face, and then wraps his arm around Rami’s waist, helping him stand up. They turn, and Rami’s eyes catch on the mirror, and then he stops, wavering a bit.

“Come on, babe,” Joe says softly, “we gotta go downstairs.”

“Sami?” Rami murmurs, reaching out to the mirror.

Joe swallows hard, glancing at their reflections in the mirror. “N— no, babe, that’s…”

Rami smiles faintly, and waves slowly at the mirror. “Sami,” he says again, “you’re…here, too.”

Joe’s eyes fill with tears again, and he sniffles, wiping furiously at his face. “Rami,” he says.

“That’s Sami,” Rami says, looking at him.

Joe swallows hard, and finally just nods. “Ye— yeah, it is,” he says. “But we gotta go now, okay?”

Rami blinks a few times and nods slowly, letting Joe guide him downstairs. Joe sits Rami down on the sofa, where he thinks he’ll do the least amount of damage to himself, and then he runs to get their shoes and jackets. He helps Rami get his sneakers on, and sets his jacket on his lap. Joe tugs his own shoes on and then starts pacing around. He gets a message from Gwil, who says tell him what hospital to meet him at, and then a few minutes later, the 999 operator says that the ambulance has arrived and to buzz them into the building. He ends the phone call and then opens the door, watching them walk up the stairs.

The first thing Joe says is “he’s hallucinating,” and his voice breaks. He leads them into the living room, where Rami’s just sitting, staring ahead. “His fever is a hundre— uh, no, uh, 40.3. Uh. Yesterday it was lower, uh, 38? I think?” He sniffles. “But he seemed fine. Tired, but last night he came downstairs and had some tea and we showered, and this morning he—” He shakes his head, clasping his hands together.

“What’s his name?”

“Oh my god, sorry,” Joe says. “Rami. He’s— Rami.”

“Rami, can you hear me?” the woman asks, and Joe paces around a bit, watching as they speak to him. The paramedics help Rami up, and support him as they walk him downstairs. Joe glances around before leaving the flat, thinking he’s forgetting something but not sure what, and just locks up behind them, following them down the stairs.

\+ + + + +

Normally, Ben’s habit of sleeping in isn’t that much of a bother; what do he and Gwil ever do that requires him to be up by 10? It’s much less amusing today, when Gwil has to go to Ben’s flat and let himself in, heading straight towards his bedroom.

“Ben!” he says loudly, going to find him something to wear.

Ben jerks awake, rubbing at his eyes, watching Gwil. “What— what’s the matter?” he asks, tired and a bit shocked at being woken up.

“Rami’s in hospital,” Gwil says, tossing a jumper onto the mattress. “Come on, love, we gotta go.”

“Hospital?” Ben asks. He pushes himself up, and tugs off the t-shirt he’s wearing, pulling the jumper on over his head. “What—”

“His fever went up,” Gwil says, and he tosses more clothes over to Ben. “We have to go.”

Ben scrambles out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and his socks. He runs to the bathroom and quickly gets ready. He grabs his wallet, his phone, and pulls on a jacket, and then the two of them hurry out of his flat. They hurry to the bus stop a couple minutes away, and Ben just watches as Gwil nervously taps his foot up and down as they wait. 

“We can get a taxi,” Ben says, reaching out to touch Gwil’s arm, but Gwil shakes his head.

“It’s almost here now,” Gwil says, leaning forward to look down the street, “it’s…no, we’re fine.”

“Gwil, he’s alright,” Ben says. “I’m sure of it. It’s alright.”

“Right,” Gwil says softly, bringing his hand up to his mouth, and Ben just watches him.

They get on the bus, and Gwil checks his phone and his watch over and over again as Ben watches him, unsure of what to say or how to comfort him. Obviously, Rami is Gwil’s best mate, and he’s right to be worried, but Gwil wasn’t anywhere near this nervous when Ben was in hospital last year.

When they get to the hospital, Gwil runs ahead of Ben, pushing open the doors, and Ben wants to tell him to slow down, _calm_ down, they can take a minute to actually try to find Rami and Joe, but Gwil just seems to be frantic. “Gwil, stop,” Ben says, reaching out to grab his hand. “We don’t even know where they are.” He takes out his phone, and messages Joe, letting him know that they’re at the hospital. Ben looks around, and guides Gwil over to an empty chair, sitting him down. Ben pulls Gwil in, and Gwil buries his face in Ben’s stomach, clutching at him.

“It’s okay, Gwil,” Ben says softly, brushing Gwil’s hair back. “It’s just a fever, he’s okay.” He shushes him gently, and that’s how they’re still standing when, a few minutes later, they hear Joe speak behind them. Ben turns, and Gwil is immediately on his feet, pushing by him, hurrying over to Joe.

“Where is he?” Gwil asks.

Joe sniffles, rubbing at his face. “He’s with the doctors,” he says, glancing back behind him. “You know, my dad always said that it’s a good sign when you go the hospital, and they make you wait.” He sniffles again. “Means you’re not doing that bad.” He looks over at Ben. “They— he didn’t have to wait at all.”

“Oh, Joe,” Ben says softly. “He’s alright, isn’t he?”

Joe shakes his head, eyes filling with tears. “No, I don’t think so,” he says softly.

“What’s happened?” Gwil asks.

“I don’t know,” Joe says. “His fever went up, that’s all. I— I woke up this morning and he was being really weird, like he couldn’t…see the light switch or something? I don’t know. And then he started hallucinating. Or he was…confused, at least.”

“Hallucinating what?” Gwil asks.

“Sami,” Joe says softly. “He thought he was there.” He wipes at his face, looking away.

“Jesus,” Ben mutters. “So what— what’s going?” he asks.

“They’re giving him some tests and deciding if they should admit him,” Joe says, “but…” He nods, letting out a shaky breath. “They’re going to admit him. His fever’s too high, so.”

“What can they do?” Ben asks. “Just— medication?”

Joe shrugs, and then his shoulders start to shake a bit as he cries. “I— I don’t know,” he says, voice breaking. “He was…” He wipes at his nose. “Like, so confused, I think.” He sniffles again. “Can you— I’m going to go back in, but can you just— should we call Nelly? Or my mom? I—”

“Sure,” Ben says, nodding. “I’ll call them, if you want. What should I say?”

“Just that he’s sick and probably being admitted,” Joe says. “I just want to keep them in the loop.”

Ben nods again. “Okay,” he says. “You go back in, let us know if anything changes. I’ll call.”

“Okay,” Joe says. He pulls Ben into a hug, and then Gwil, and then takes a deep breath, stepping back. “Okay. Will you stay?”

“Of course,” Gwil says.

“Okay,” Joe says, and he walks away, heading back through a set of doors.

Gwil immediately sits back down in his seat, bringing his hand up to his mouth. “Love, I…he was hallucinating? I—”

“But he’s here now,” Ben says softly. “He’s got doctors and nurses and Joe, and— he’ll be alright. They know what they’re doing.”

“Right,” Gwil breathes.

“He’ll stay a night, maybe, and he’ll be okay,” Ben says. He smiles weakly, and leans in, pressing a kiss to the top of Gwil’s head. “You stay here,” he says, “I’m going to call Nelly and Ginnie.”

“Okay,” Gwil agrees, and he leans back in his seat, just staring ahead.

Ben watches him for a few moments, and then takes out his phone. He decides to call Nelly first, to give Ginnie a few more minutes to stay in bed, but the time difference can’t be ignored. He dreads the fact that _he’s_ the one who has to call Nelly; he’s the least close to her of all of them, but it’s obvious that Gwil can’t do it, so he just clears throat and taps his fingers as he listens to it ring. “Hi, Nelly?” he asks. “It’s Ben…Hardy, Rami’s mate? Sorry for waking you up.” Even though he’d felt fine just a few moments ago, as soon as he opens his mouth to start telling Nelly about what’s happened, his voice breaks. “Sorry,” he says, clearing his throat. “It’s uh, it’s Rami. He’s in hospital.” As he listens to Nelly, he turns, looking back over at Gwil. The blank look on his face, the way his fingers are nervously clenching at the armrests, how his feet keep tapping on the floor. Ben doesn’t want to even begin to think about something actually happening to Rami (it’s _just_ a fever, he tells himself), but he’s honestly not sure what will happen to Gwil if Rami’s not okay. He knows that it will _kill_ Joe, but Joe’s always been stronger than Gwil. Joe has his family, Gwil has—

Ben shakes his head a bit. It’s nothing to think about because Rami’s going to be fine. He’s going to be just fine.

\+ + + + +

Gwil is curled up against Ben, hunched over so that his head can rest on Ben’s shoulder, half-asleep when Joe comes back out into the waiting room.

“What’s going on?” Ben asks softly, looking up at him.

“They’re admitting him,” Joe says softly, and Ben nods.

“That’s for the best,” he says. “That doesn’t— lots of people get admitted. He’s fine.”

“Yeah,” Joe says softly. He sighs, shaking his head. “He was fine last night. I made him tea. We showered together.”

Ben reaches out, grasping onto Joe’s hand. “He just needs a good rest, some medication. He’ll be back to showering with you in no time, I promise.”

Joe nods, and then Gwil groans softly, slowly waking up. He blinks a few times, looking around before his eyes fall onto Joe. “Hi,” he says, voice rough. “Where is he?”

“They’re admitting him,” Joe says, “so they’re moving him to his own room.”

“Can we see him?” Gwil asks.

“I don’t know how it works,” Joe says. “I— I guess?” He frowns a bit. “There’s only two visitors at a time, though,” he says.

“That’s alright,” Ben says quickly. “You two go first, I’ll— I can wait. Is there a waiting room up there?”

“I’m not sure,” Joe says. “I’m gonna go up and wait until he’s settled, and then I’ll message you to come up, okay?”

“Okay,” Gwil says, nodding. “Tell him we said hi, and that he’ll be alright.”

“Yeah, I will,” Joe says. He shakes his head a bit and walks off.

Ben reaches out, taking Gwil’s hand, squeezing it gently. He doesn’t really know what to say, other than just _he’ll be alright_ , but he’s already tired of saying it, so he just leans in, resting against Gwil. He tilts his head, pressing a kiss to Gwil’s Adam’s apple, the only part of him that he can reach, and then he snuggles a bit closer.

\+ + + + +

Joe nods his thanks to the nurse as she leaves the room, and then he drags a chair over beside Rami’s bed, dropping down in it. He reaches out, taking Rami’s hand, smiling at him. “Hey babe,” he says softly, “how are you feeling?”

Rami groans softly, and he turns his head a bit, looking over at Joe. He's medicated now, and his fever has already dropped just a bit, but some of the confusion is still lingering. “Tired,” he says softly, and Joe nods.

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Joe agrees. “Do you want to close your eyes and get some sleep? I know Gwil’s here if you wanna—”

“Gwil,” Rami breathes, and Joe nods. 

“Okay,” he says, smiling. Joe settles back in his chair and takes out his phone, sending Gwil a message. He takes Rami’s hand, and they just sit together until there’s a gentle knocking on the door.

Rami turns his head towards the door, watching as Gwil walks in, holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Hi,” Gwil says quietly, walking into the room. He looks around, and then glances back out into the hallway, waving Ben in.

Ben follows closely behind him, giving Rami and Joe a smile. “Just for a minute,” he whispers. “We won’t get caught.”

“They didn’t have much by the way of flowers downstairs,” Gwil says, setting the vase down on the nightstand beside Rami’s bed. “But roses are usually a safe bet.”

Rami nods, looking over, watching Gwil adjust the bouquet a bit. “Thank you,” he says, looking up at him. “Hi,” he says, weakly waving at Ben.

“Hi,” Ben says softly, walking over to the bed, leaning down to press a kiss to Rami’s forehead. He pulls back and frowns when he feels how warm Rami is, but he quickly covers it up with a smile and reaches out, pushing his hair back a bit. He crouches down by the head of the bed, looking at Rami. “Do you feel any better?” he asks.

“I’m alright,” Rami says, voice a bit rough, and Ben nods. His answer isn’t quite believable though, as Rami starts to cough loudly. Ben reaches out, gently rubbing Rami’s chest, trying to soothe him through what sounds quite painful. “Sorry,” Rami says, coughing once more.

Ben just shakes his head. “It’s alright,” he says. “You’ll be back to perfect in a couple days, I know it.” He gives him another smile, and then stands up, looking over at Joe. He tries to figure out from the look on Joe’s face just how Rami really is, but he can’t tell. “Well, I’m off,” he says suddenly.

“What?” Rami asks. “N— no. Stay. My friend.”

Ben smiles down at him, nodding. “I _am_ your friend,” he says. “But you need books to read, and toothbrushes, and your fiancé needs a change of clothes or two.”

“Books?” Rami asks, and Ben nods. “Christie, please,” he says softly.

“Yes, I know,” Ben assures him. “I’ll be back soon.” He gives Joe a quick smile and then leans up, giving Gwil a kiss. “Love you,” he says softly, turning to walk out of the room.

“Bye,” Gwil says, lifting his hand up, but Ben’s already gone. He turns, looking back at Joe. He reaches out, pulling him into a hug. He squeezes him tightly, and lets Joe clutch at him. He thinks he might be crying, if he had to guess by the way Joe’s shoulders are shaking a bit, but that’s alright; Joe can cry all over him if he needs. Gwil just gently shushes him and rubs his back, and then when Joe finally pulls back, Gwil gives him a smile.

“Sorry,” Joe says softly, wiping at his face, turning away so that Rami won’t see.

“Not at all,” Gwil says, patting him on the shoulder before walking over, gently sitting down on the edge of Rami’s bed. “Hi,” he says, reaching out to take his hand.

“I’m sure you’re worried,” Rami says, and Gwil nods quickly, reaching up to wipe at his own eyes. “I’m okay though.”

“You’re in a hospital bed,” Gwil says, and his voice breaks a bit.

“Only because Joe was worried about me,” Rami says.

Joe snorts at that, rolling his eyes.

“You’re so warm,” Gwil says, gently rubbing Rami’s hand. “Do you feel warm?”

“I feel cloudy,” Rami says.

“Cloudy,” Gwil echoes, and Rami nods. “A bit confused maybe, Joe said.”

“Mm,” Rami nods again, slowly blinking. He shifts under this blankets, and Gwil glances over at Joe, who’s looking out the window, hand up by his mouth.

“I called Felix,” Gwil says, looking back at Rami, giving him a smile.

“Oh, Felix,” Rami says.

“Just to let him know,” Gwil says. “He wanted to come see you, but I thought it— it might not be for the best.”

“Might get him sick,” Rami says, and Gwil smiles, nodding.

“Exactly,” Gwil says. “He’s a bit too old to come, I think, but I told him I’d keep him up-to-date.”

“Thank you,” Rami murmurs. 

“Of course,” Gwil says. “He says you’re going to be just fine.” He settles back a bit, and looks over at Joe again. He’s half-sitting on the window ledge, looking off at something in the distance, clearly lost in his thoughts. Gwil gently lets go of Rami's hand and stands up, walking over to Joe. “Should I stay?” he asks softly.

“Hmm?” Joe looks up at him, blinking a couple times. “Oh, uh, what?”

“I said, should I stay?” Gwil asks. “Or I can go. Whatever you’d prefer.”

Joe swallows hard, glancing over at Rami on the bed, and then he looks back at Gwil, nodding. “Can you stay?” he asks. “Just— at least until Ben comes back. I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Gwil nods, and he pulls Joe back in for another hug. Joe takes a deep breath, settling against him, and Gwil just holds him tight.

\+ + + + +

Ben gently knocks on the door, and then pushes it open, looking in. Rami asleep on the bed, Joe sprawled out in the chair, and Gwil is stretched out across the small brown sofa, arm folded over his face. He walks in, and gently sets the bag down on the floor, and then walks over to the sofa. He gently sits down on the edge of the cushions, on maybe three inches of free space, and then leans down, pushing Gwil’s hair back from his forehead, leaning down to give him a kiss. “Hey,” he says softly.

Gwil groans a bit and stretches out, then slowly opens his eyes, looking up at him. “Hi, love,” he says, voice a bit rough.

“Having a good rest?” Ben asks, and Gwil pushes himself up a bit, nodding. He glances over at Joe and Rami, and then back to Ben. “Are you staying here tonight?” he asks.

“No, no,” Gwil says, shaking his head. “I’m coming home with you.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He looks over at Joe. “Should we wake him?” he asks.

“Probably,” Gwil says.

Ben pushes himself up and walks over to Joe, gently touching his arm. “Joe,” he says quietly.

Joe groans, and then jerks awake, looking up at him. “H— hi,” he says, rubbing at his face. He groans again as he stretches out, and then checks the time on his watch.

“I brought you some things,” Ben says, gesturing towards the bag on the floor. “Are you sleeping on that sofa?” he asks.

“It turns into a bed,” Joe says, straightening up.

Ben sighs, frowning a bit. “Are you sure you wa—”

“I’m not leaving him, Ben,” Joe says sharply.

“Right,” Ben says softly. “No, I— I understand.” Joe’s face softens, and he opens his mouth to say something, but Ben just continues. “I grabbed whatever I thought you might need. It’s a bit chilly in here so I made sure you each got a jumper. Oh, and I grabbed an extra blanket for you, just in case.”

Joe blinks a couple times, and then nods. “Thank you, Ben,” he says softly.

“Yeah, no problem, mate,” Ben says, nodding. He pulls Joe into a hug, clapping him a couple times on the back. “Text us tonight if you need us to bring you something else in the morning,” he says, stepping back.

Joe nods. He glances over at Rami, and then pulls Ben into another hug. “Really, Ben,” he says.

“I know,” Ben whispers. “It’s alright. Message me anytime, alright?” 

Joe nods. “I’m sorry,” he says, and Ben just shakes his head.

“Don’t be,” he says. He pulls back, and gives Joe a playful kiss on the cheek, smiling at him. “I know.” He looks over at Rami. “He’ll be alright. You’ll see. Tomorrow will be fine.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “Thank you.” He gives Gwil a smile as well, and then a quick hug. “Thank you too, big guy,” he murmurs.

“If he wakes up tonight, tell him we said hello,” Gwil says. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “Bye guys.”

“Bye,” Ben says, waving at Joe. 

Gwil turns, looking at Rami one last time as he walks out of the room. He gives Joe a quick smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and he turns, following behind Ben with his head down. 

Ben leads them to the lift, and hits the down button, and he looks over at Gwil. “Was he awake at all after I left?” he asks.

Gwil nods. “A bit, yeah. His fever went down a bit, so…there wasn’t as much confusion. He just seemed tired.”

“That’s good,” Ben says, reaching out to pat Gwil on the arm a couple times, hand sliding down to take Gwil’s. 

“I’m sorry I stayed,” Gwil says, “and that you had to go.”

“That’s alright,” Ben says, shaking his head.

“I know love, but he’s your friend too,” Gwil says.

Ben smiles up at him, nodding. “I know,” he says. “But— I don’t mind.” The doors open and Ben and Gwil step to the side of another group already in there. Ben takes a deep breath, resting against Gwil’s side. “I am ready for bed though,” he says, and Gwil smiles, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Ben’s head. 

“My place or yours?” Gwil asks softly, and Ben just shrugs. 

“Wherever,” Ben says, closing his eyes. “I just want to go home.”

\+ + + + +

Joe finally managed to fall asleep on the bed at around two-thirty, maybe three, he thinks. He _was_ trying, sort of. He was tired, anyway, but the lights and the noises, and the constant need to check on Rami kept him awake. Rami had woken up a couple times, thirsty, and needing to pee. Joe helped him sit up, and walked him to bathroom, and then got him settled again. Then a nurse would come in to check on him, and Joe would just be fully awake again.

He shifts on the mattress, an uncomfortable spring poking him in his hip, and then it creaks a bit, and he opens his eyes, blinking a couple times. He pushes himself up, and then turns, looking out the window. It’s light outside, and he watches the view of people in the parking lot a few stories below for a few moments before he turns back around. He yawns, sitting up against the back of the sofa, stretching his arms up above his head, groaning softly. He sits there for a few moments, slowly waking up, before he pushes the blankets off himself and gets up, going to use the bathroom. 

Joe looks at his face in the mirror, sees how tired he is. He looks like shit, honestly. He rubs at his eyes, groaning softly. It’s fine, he thinks. He can look like shit, as long as Rami feels better. Once they’re back home, they can catch up on sleep; he can take as much time off work as he needs, and if they complain, well fuck ‘em. Maybe he'll 'retire' too.

Joe walks back out into the room, immediately smiling when he sees that Rami’s awake. “Hey babe,” he says, hurrying over to Rami’s bed, carefully sitting down on the edge. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Rami says softly. He stretches out a bit, and then coughs a few times before he settles back against the mattress. 

“Still got a bit of a cough, huh,” Joe murmurs, reaching his hand out, gently rubbing Rami’s leg through the blankets. “Did you sleep alright?”

Rami nods, blinking a few times as he looks at Joe. “Did you?” he asks. He looks over at the bed, and then frowns, looking back at Joe. “That can’t have been comfortable.”

Joe smiles. “I’m fine,” he says. “It’ll take more than a mediocre sofa-bed to get Joe Mazzello down, that is for damn sure.”

Rami smiles and laughs softly, then coughs again. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“For what?” Joe asks.

“Being ill,” Rami says.

“Oh god, babe,” Joe says, shaking his head a bit. “I— don’t apologize for that. It’s not your fault. You probably caught it from someone at school. Or on the tube, god knows what sorts of germs are in there.”

Rami murmurs a quiet noise, and then shifts on the bed, trying to push himself up a bit. “What time is it?” he asks.

“Uh,” Joe glances at his watch, “just after seven-thirty.”

“I’m hungry,” Rami says. 

“Yeah?” Joe asks. “That’s a good sign, isn’t it? Getting your appetite back?”

Rami nods. “Is there a menu around here?” he asks.

Joe smiles. “I think so,” he says. He stands up, and walks around the room, eyes catching on a laminated menu stuck to a bulletin board. “Let’s see,” he says, walking back over. He sits down in his chair by Rami’s bed, smiling at him. “Jesus, they’re not playing around here, are they,” he says, scanning over the options. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks, looking back up.

Rami coughs a couple times, and draws a shaky breath. “I’m not sure,” he says. “Do they have oatmeal?” he asks, and coughs again.

Joe frowns a bit, listening to the strain on Rami’s breathing that the coughing seems to be causing. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “Oatmeal, cream of wheat, or cream of rice.”

“Oatmeal,” Rami breathes out, and then coughs again. “With fruit?”

“Yeah, they have fruit,” Joe says. He straightens up a bit. “Babe, are you okay?”

Rami nods a couple times, then brings his fist up to his mouth, coughing again. “I’m fine,” he says. He coughs again, then manages to say, “bacon too?”

Joe sets the menu down, and then reaches out, taking Rami’s hand. “I’m gonna call a nurse, okay?”

“For what?” Rami asks. He pushes himself up a bit, coughing, and then he takes a deep, wheezy breath, and coughs some more.

“Rami,” Joe says. He reaches out, grabbing the control with the nurse call button on it, hitting it once. “Can you breathe?” he asks.

“I’m fine,” Rami says, gasping a bit.

“Rami?” Joe asks. He hits the button again, feeling a bit desperate. “Here, uh, maybe…sit up?” he says, sliding his hand under Rami’s back, helping him sit up a bit, but the coughing just continues, and Rami tries to take another deep breath, but he just coughs some more. Joe hits the call button a couple more times, and then just rubs Rami’s back, trying to soothe him.

A nurse walks in, and then hears the coughing and wheezing from Rami, and hurries over. 

“I don’t think he can breathe,” Joe says, looking up at her.

“I’m fine,” Rami says again, or tries to, but barely any sound comes out.

“I’m going to get a nebulizer,” the nurse says, and she hurries over to medical cart, tugging open a drawer and taking out a small bag. She walks back over to Rami, and unzips the bag, taking out the separate parts. She connects the pieces together, a tube leading from a face mask to a compressor, and then she puts the mask over Rami’s face, and turns on the compressor. “Breathe normally through your mouth,” she directs Rami, watching as he tries to inhale.

Rami nods, and closes his eyes, and Joe just starts to nervously bounce his feet, watching Rami struggle. Joe reaches out, taking one of Rami’s hands between his, squeezing it gently. “It’s okay,” Joe says, “I’m here. Just breathe, babe, it’s okay.” Rami nods and whimpers a bit, fingers clenching in Joe’s hand. Joe looks down, and then swallows hard, looking back up. “Blue,” he says softly. "His nails are blue."

The nurse looks over. “I’m going to call a doctor,” she says.

“What does that mean?” Joe asks.

“It means he’s not getting enough oxygen,” the nurse says, and Joe lets out a broken sound, eyes filling with tears. “That’s why we’re going to get a doctor. We might have to ventilate him.”

“Like put a tube in his throat?” Joe asks, sounding horrified, and the nurse reaches over, hitting the call button. A few moments later, another nurse comes in. Joe just focused on watching Rami breathing through the mask, only briefly glancing up when the second nurse leaves the room again, presumably to go get a doctor.

“Rami, how do you feel?” she asks, and Rami just whimpers, a strange noise coming from his throat, and Joe sits back a bit, sniffling. “Is it hard to breathe?” Rami nods quickly, looking over at Joe. “Okay, we’re going to get a doctor, but you just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing great, I’m here, your fiancé’s here, just keeping focusing on us and just keep trying, okay?”

Rami nods a bit, and Joe quickly wipes at his face, immediately taking Rami’s hand again. 

“Hey, I’m here,” Joe says, “I’m not going anywhere. You’re doing great, babe, right? Just keep focusing on us. Nothing bad’s gonna happen while I’m here, you know.” Rami looks at Joe over the mask, and Joe gives him what he hopes is a comforting smile, even as he sniffles loudly. “You’re okay,” he says softly. What he doesn’t say is what he’s really thinking, which is that Rami _has_ to be okay, because if he’s not, Joe has no idea what he’s going to do with himself. Rami did not survive everything that he went through, and make it through to a better life, just to get sick and die of some stupid fucking cold, or whatever he has.

Joe sniffles, and then tries to smile at Rami again, reaching out to push Rami’s hair back from his forehead, realizing how just how sweaty he is. Rami takes a breath, and then reaches up, rubbing his chest. “What's wrong?” Joe asks. “It hurts?” Rami nods, and then coughs again before trying to take another deep breath. He looks up when the nurse and doctor walk into the room, and he squeezes Rami’s hand. “See?” he says softly. “You’ll be okay. Help’s here.” Joe blinks a couple times and then reluctantly pushes the chair back, knowing that he needs to get out of their way, even though he starts to cry when he sees the look on Rami’s face, and the way he reaches out to try to take his hand again. Joe brings his hand up to his mouth, shoulders shaking; he knows that he should be keeping it together for Rami, at least trying to pretend that everything’s alright, but he doesn’t think it is.

He listens to them say things like _infection_ and _pneumonia_ and _ventilation_ , and he just tries to keep himself calm, pacing in his own little corner of the room, hoping that if he just stays out of their way and at a distance that they won’t kick him out. He can’t leave Rami. Then more people come into the room, and Joe just presses himself against the wall, hoping that nobody notices him and asks him to leave because he just _can’t_.

They help Rami lie back on the bed, taking the nebulizer away from him, and add a drug to his IV line. They put an oxygen mask over his face, and Joe just swallows hard, nervously rubbing his arms, watching as Rami becomes sedated. It hits him then, that Rami— if he doesn’t wake up— Joe didn’t say anything. He didn’t say he’d be okay, that he loved him, that he’d see him soon, just… Joe sniffles and wipes at his eyes, watching as the oxygen mask is removed from Rami’s face, and his head is tilted back, a metal tool inserted into his mouth. A tube is then inserted into Rami’s mouth too, and then the metal tool is taken out, the tube taped to the side of Rami’s mouth. The tube is connected to a mechanical ventilator, and then they all step back a bit, the hurried pacing slowing down, and Joe just listens to the machine breathing for him. He sniffles loudly, and then slowly sits down, back against the wall. 

A doctor walks over to Joe, crouching down in front of him. Joe nods, listening as she explains to him that Rami wasn't getting enough oxygen on his own, and that the machine will breathe for him until Rami can do it without help. Joe sniffles, nodding again. “Is he awake?” he asks, looking over at her. She shakes her head and explains no, he’ll be lightly sedated to help him tolerate the endotracheal tube. She explains to him more about how long he’ll be sedated for, how long he might be on the ventilator for, and the medications they’re going to give him to treat his pneumonia. Bacterial pneumonia, she says, not that Joe knows that difference between that and any other kind.

Joe just brings his knees up to his chest, and wraps his arms around them, watching as the nurses adjust him (Joe almost thinks _his body_ , but he tries to stop that train of thought immediately— it’s not a body, it’s still Rami, he’s just asleep), and continue to run tests on him. 

Joe continues to sit there as the room slowly empties out; one nurse lingers for a bit, checking on Rami, but after awhile, even he leaves. Joe knows that they can’t watch one patient all the time, and Rami seems to have stabilized, and he’s sure that someone will be back soon, but still, he can’t believe that they just left. It’s just him and Rami now. Joe carefully pushes himself up off the floor, and walks over to his chair, dragging it back beside Rami’s bed. He sits down, and then sniffles, looking at Rami. He takes one look at the tube in his throat and starts to cry. It reminds him too much of losing his dad, something Joe thought he wouldn’t have to deal with again. He knows Rami will be alright, he just _knows_ it. Because nothing bad could happen to someone as good as him.

Joe reaches out, taking Rami’s hand. He gently squeezes it, and then his head falls forward, shoulders shaking as he continues to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse other than I just _really_ wanted to write something angsty again, I'm sorry! But please trust in me and know I'd never actually _hurt_ them.
> 
> Also please note I'm not a doctor or a nurse or involved in medicine in any way so forgive me my mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben reaches up, wiping at his mouth, feeling just a bit of drool there. He scratches his hand against Gwil’s chest, which he’s currently curled against, and snuggles closer. He still feels tired; they went to bed together not long after getting home from the hospital, because they really weren’t in the mood to stay up any longer, but it seemed to take ages before they actually fell asleep. Ben didn’t know how to comfort Gwil past a certain point; there’s only so many times you can tell someone their loved one will be alright, especially when that someone is Gwil, who seems a bit more predisposed to thinking that no, nothing will be alright.

Ben woke up at about four in the morning to the sound of stifled crying, Gwil curled away from him, shoulders shaking. Ben had laid there, watching him for a few moments, unsure if Gwil wanted his comfort or for him to just ignore him. Ben swallowed hard, and finally shifted a bit, and then Gwil had froze, looking over his shoulder at him. There was a moment when Ben was worried that he’d done something wrong, but then Gwil just rolled over, curling against Ben, resting his head on his chest. He’d fallen back asleep to Ben tiredly playing with his hair, and then sometime in the night, they’d switched positions.

Ben pushes himself up a bit to look at his clock, and then settles back down. He closes his eyes, because they still feel heavy, but he knows he’s awake now. He doesn’t want to get up; he just wants to stay right here, in bed with Gwil, all day. He doesn’t like hospitals, and he doesn’t want to go back just to see Rami sick. He hopes that when he finally manages to get around to checking his mobile that there will be a message from Joe saying that Rami’s fine, and they’ll be going home today.

Ben rests for a few more minutes, until he finally, carefully rolls away from Gwil. He’s stopped by Gwil reaching out, his arm on Ben’s waist, and Ben looks back at him. “Hi,” he says. “I’m just going out into the living room.”

“Are you okay?” Gwil asks, and Ben smiles, nodding.

“Yeah, of course,” he says, leaning down to give Gwil a quick kiss. “I’m just awake, I think.”

Gwil smiles faintly, reaching up to brush his fingers over Ben’s messy hair. “You’re awake before me,” he murmurs, “that’s a bit of a surprise.”

“I know,” Ben says, smiling again, giving him another kiss. “Go back to sleep.” Gwil nods slowly, letting his eyes close again. Ben reaches over to the nightstand, grabbing his mobile; he’s surprised to see there are no messages from Joe, but he just sets his phone back down and grabs a jumper and his joggers off the floor, going out into the flat.

Ben yawns loudly and makes himself a cup of coffee. As he leans against the counter, waiting for the mug to fill, he thinks about how he’ll have to go over and check on Augie again today— if Rami and Joe stay another night in hospital, then he’ll need food and water and plenty of cuddles. He rubs at his eyes, then notices how long the sleeves on the jumper are. He realizes that he’s grabbed one of Gwil’s, and he smiles. He sits down on the sofa with his cup of coffee, and slowly drinks it. He thinks about whether he and Gwil should just go straight to the hospital, or if they should stop and visit Augie first. Oh, and should he call Nelly and Ginnie? No, he reasons, because he doesn’t have an update yet. He’ll wait until they visit again and get some more news.

Ben finishes his coffee and resists the urge to just flop down on the sofa and fall back asleep. No, he gets up, puts his mug in the sink, and then heads in the bathroom. He has a quick shower, and is standing at the sink with a towel wrapped around his waist, brushing his teeth, when Gwil knocks on the door. “Yeah?” he calls out, spitting into the sink.

Gwil pushes open the door, and the first thing Ben sees is the tears on his face. And then he sees his phone in his hand.

“Gwil?” Ben asks hesitantly, nervous about whatever message he's received. He sets his toothbrush down, and then wavers on his feet. He wants to step back, he wants to just ignore this, because if Gwil is about to tell him that Rami is— Ben makes a quiet noise, and his eyes fill with tears as well. “What’s happened?” he asks, because maybe not knowing is worse than just hearing it. “Is he—”

“He’s on a breathing machine,” Gwil says, wiping at his eyes.

“Oh my god,” Ben says. “Gwil, I— oh my god.” He raises his hand to his mouth, blinking a couple times. “That’s— but he was _fine_ , he was just— last night, he was…”

“He’s got pneumonia,” Gwil says. “He couldn’t breathe, so they— his lungs, I don’t—” He starts to cry, and Ben wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

Ben doesn’t even try to comfort him with words of _he’ll be alright_ because Rami’s already gotten so much worse than he expected, he doesn’t think Gwil would listen anyway. He just holds him, Gwil getting damp from Ben’s chest, the two of them standing there, crying together.

\+ + + + +

Ben sends Gwil ahead to the hospital— Rami can still only have two visitors at a time, and Joe is, presumably, going to be a permanent fixture beside his bed, so Ben takes the opportunity to go to Rami and Joe’s flat again. Augie meets him at the door, which breaks Ben's heart because he thinks it must mean Augie’s been lonely. “Hi boy,” he says, leaning down to pick him up. “Let’s see what snacks your dads have for you in here.” He walks into the kitchen, and his eyes catch on the calendar on the refrigerator, the one he'd just been looking at a couple days before. He carefully puts Augie down, and then frowns, eyes scanning over all the things they’ve got written down on there. He flips to April, and there’s even more. Rami’s exams, going to MK with Nelly, _New York_ , a vet’s appointment for Augie, the play at the Donmar, all the days Rami wanted to go to the library over his break…the anniversary of the Mercury. Ben just shakes his head, wondering if Joe had managed to call anyone at Imperial College and tell them Rami’s— well, Rami’s fucking _dying_ , and he’d be missing his classes for a bit.

Ben wipes at his eyes, sniffling. All the things that they were supposed to do, that Rami was supposed to do…he won’t be doing them now, he imagines. Even if he is fine, in the end, they can’t just be flying to the US and running around with Joe’s family and…

Ben bites on his lip, flipping the calendar ahead to October. October 16th, Commemoration Day. Would Rami get to go? Would he get well enough for his exams and his final project, so that he could still graduate? Ben sniffles, looking at October 20th. Would he still get to marry Joe?

Ben just bites down harder on his lip, not even realizing until it makes him wince in pain, and then he wipes at his mouth. “Let’s see, Augie,” he says softly, opening one of the cupboards, taking out a bag of treats. “You’re a good boy,” he says, sprinkling some on the floor for him. “Yes, you are,” he says, smiling at him. He pets him a few times, sighing, thinking about how he’ll have to call Ginnie, and Nelly, and god, maybe even Felix. Wouldn’t that be fucking awful, if in the end, Felix outlived Rami?

Ben just sits down on the floor, pulling Augie onto his lap. He leans back against the cupboards, and slowly pets him, smiling down at him. He doesn’t want to leave Augie, face the possibilities waiting for him in the hospital. He just wants to stay right here. He does, for a few minutes at least. But he knows that Gwil and Joe need him, and so he carefully lifts Augie up off his lap, pushes himself up, and goes to grab a few more things, filling another bag, before heading to the bus stop.

\+ + + + +

Ben’s footsteps falter as he heads towards Rami’s room. He wasn’t expecting to hear raised voices in a hospital, at least not here, and he hesitantly approaches, then hurries along when he realizes that Gwil’s voice is the one he’s hearing. “Gwil?” he calls, walking down the hall.

Gwil, Joe, and the nurse they’re talking to look over at him; Gwil’s face is red, and his cheeks are tear-stained, and Ben wants to pull him into a hug, but he’s mostly just confused about what’s happening. Joe doesn’t seem— well, he’s not sure how he’d expect Joe to seem if something had happened to Rami, but he doesn’t…no, Ben thinks that Rami is okay, so he’s not sure what’s happening.

“They won’t let me in,” Gwil says, wiping at his face.

Ben frowns. “But he was in there yesterday,” he says to the nurse.

“That was before we knew who he is,” the nurse explain.

Ben shakes his head. “What’s that— who he is? What’s that got to do with anything?” he asks. Joe looks over at Ben, but doesn’t say anything, he just shifts uncomfortably on his feet before looking down. “Maybe I’m confused here,” Ben continues, “can you explain it to me?” He can feel his IIS policy persona creeping back into him, which is a bit odd, but he goes with it.

“I can’t discuss Mr. Malek’s medical history with you,” the nurse says, “but I can say that infection control is of the utmost importance here, and we don’t think that Mr. Lee should be visiting here.”

Joe rubs at his face and sighs, looking over at Ben. “Rami’s got pneumonia,” he says, sniffling a bit. “And apparently they think it’s as bad as it is because he’s got a shit immune system. You know, from…the… you know.”

“Oh,” Ben says, realization dawning. “Well, yeah, maybe? I guess.” He reaches up, thinking about all the vaccinations that Gwil and Rami had to get after they returned. He supposes it makes sense; he’s sure the doctors know what they’re talking about, Rami’s immune system probably is a bit of a disaster, with a hundred years of new diseases to contend with. But if that’s the case for Rami, then… Ben looks over at Gwil, and reaches out to take his hand. “Maybe they’re right then, Gwil,” he says.

“They’re _not_ ,” Gwil says, words coming out sharp and annoyed as he snatches his hand back, and Ben just flinches back, looking down. Immediately, Gwil’s facial expression softens, and he reaches back out to take Ben’s hand, but Ben doesn't look up, and he doesn’t take it. “Love, I—”

“I brought you some more things,” Ben says, lifting the bag up to Joe, ignoring Gwil.

“Thank you,” Joe says, taking it from him. He looks back at the nurse. “You’re really not going to let him in to see his best friend?” he asks, glancing up at Gwil. “I mean, he spent all day with him yesterday, and he’s fine.”

Gwil looks over at Ben again, and then shakes his head. “No, I’ll be in the waiting room for now,” he says softly. He sniffles, wiping at his face. “Ben didn’t see Rami at all yesterday, so I’ll wait.” He gives them a quick smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and walks down the hallway towards the waiting room.

“Can he wear a mask or something?” Joe asks the nurse as Ben walks by him, heading into Rami’s hospital room. He slowly approaches Rami’s bed, and his eyes fill with tears as he sees the tube entering his mouth. 

Ben wipes at his face, and then sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to gingerly run his fingers over the tape on Rami’s hand, where he has an IV.

“Please don’t sit on his bed!” the nurse calls into the room, and Ben immediately jumps up.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking over at the door. “I’m sorry.” He sits down in the chair beside the bed, looking at Rami. His tongue comes out to wet his lips, and he watches the machine pumping air into his lungs. He doesn’t know what to say; he sort of thinks that this is the part where he should have a big speech about how much he’ll miss Rami and needs him to wake up, like he would if this were a film, but sitting here, watching him, Ben just feels tired. This can’t be his Rami, _their_ Rami. Their Rami is bubbly and happy and full of life, with a lovely smile. This Rami looks…grey, and empty.

He looks up when Joe walks into the room, holding onto the bag, which he drops onto the floor. Ben stands up and opens his arms to him, pulling him in.

“He can’t die,” Joe cries against him, and Ben nods, carefully sitting them down on the sofa, letting Joe curl against him as he sobs.

“He won’t,” Ben says, running his hands up and down Joe’s back, trying to comfort him. “He’ll be alright. What did they say, what’s going on?”

Joe sniffles, resting his head against Ben, looking at Rami. “He woke up this morning and couldn’t breathe. They gave him this— this thing, I don’t know, to help, but it didn’t. So they put him on the ventilator. He just looked at me like…like I’ve never seen anyone that scared before.” He sniffles again. “His fingernails were blue because he didn’t have enough oxygen in him,” he says softly. “He’s not going to make it, is he?”

“Joe, don’t say that,” Ben says. “Please. What have the doctors said?”

“He’s on antibiotics,” Joe says. “It’s bacterial pneumonia.”

Ben shrugs. “I don’t know what that means,” he admits softly. “I mean, I know what pneumonia is, I just— I don’t know the difference.”

“Me neither,” Joe says. “But he’s on antibiotics.”

“And that’ll help?” Ben asks.

Joe nods. “It’s supposed to. He’s on stuff for the fever too. I don't know. Lots of stuff, I guess."

Ben nods, pressing a kiss to Joe’s temple. “How long is he on that for?” he asks, gesturing towards the machine.

Joe shrugs. “I don’t know that either,” he says quietly. “I hate it, don’t you?” He sniffles. “It doesn’t even look like him, it looks like—” He blows out a breath. “He looks dead.”

Ben doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s true, he does. He doesn’t say anything at all, and the room is just filled with the sounds of Joe crying, and the machine breathing for Rami. It’s an ugly, awful sound.

“Oh god,” Joe says suddenly, “I have to call my mom.”

“I can, if you want,” Ben says. “Or at the least, I can be here when you do.”

“She’s—” Joe shakes his head. “This is going to break her heart,” he says. He takes a shaky breath, looking at Rami. “Ben, what do I do?” he asks.

Ben shakes his head a bit. “I don’t know,” he says. “Now, you mean?”

“If he dies,” Joe says.

“I don't know,” Ben says quietly, so soft he can barely hear himself. He can’t imagine Joe will want to stay in that big flat all by himself, but that also seems like it would be the least of their worries. He reaches up, brushing his fingers through Joe’s hair. “I’ll take care of you,” he says.

“What about Gwil?” Joe asks.

Ben closes his eyes, thinking. “I don’t know,” he says. “Him too, I guess.” He blows out a breath, trying not to think about it, _really_ trying not to think about Gwil locking himself in his room in Perth after East had died. Ben’s not sure how it happened, but he thinks that he might be the one responsible for keeping everyone together now. He doesn’t want it, he wants to be able to cry too, and be scared and worried. He wishes there was someone else to take care of them all. “Can he hear us?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Joe says. “The nurse was talking to him. But the Internet seems less sure.”

“Are you okay?” Ben asks, which he knows is a stupid question, because of course he’s not, but he wanted to ask it anyway.

“I don't know,” Joe says, voice breaking a bit. “I— Ben, I—” He turns, burying his face in Ben’s jumper, tears wetting the fabric. “Please don’t let him die,” he whispers, “please don’t let him leave me, please, I can’t— I can’t—”

Ben tightens his hold around Joe, tears running down his face as well. He shifts on the sofa, pulling Joe in as close as he can. He wants to cry or scream or hell, even hit something, because there’s no way that Rami deserves this, and it really just adds to Ben’s belief that the world is so fucking unfair that Rami would be hurting like this, and Joe would be hurting like this. “Joe,” he says suddenly, and Joe lifts his head, looking up at him. “He’s going to be okay.” He doesn’t know where he has the strength to say it, because looking at Rami right now he most definitely does not look _okay_ , but Joe needs to hear it.

Joe just whimpers a bit and shakes his head. “He’s— he’s got a tube—”

“Yeah,” Ben says, “and it’s helping him breathe, right?” He wipes quickly at his face. “He’s— he’s in the best place for him right now, and they’re going to take care of him. I’m not going let him leave. I promise.”

Joe scoffs a bit, and rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t _matter_ , Ben,” he says.

“It does,” Ben says firmly, meeting Joe’s eyes. “It does, I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you, would I?” He can see that Joe’s desperate to believe it, that he’ll listen to Ben even though he knows it can’t be true, because the alternative is thinking that Rami won’t get better, won’t be fine, and he knows that Joe doesn’t want to do that.

“No,” Joe says, sniffling. “You wouldn’t.”

“Right,” Ben says. “I don’t lie to you.”

Joe blinks a couple times, and then nods. “No,” he says, “you don’t.”

“When I was in your flat,” Ben says, trying to keep his voice from shaking, because he knows if he breaks down now, the illusion is ruined, “I was looking at your calendar. All the things you’ve got planned.”

“God,” Joe says, shaking his head. “We have to cancel— god, his _exams_. New York. I don’t— we can’t go.”

“I was looking at October,” Ben continues. Even still, Joe smiles faintly just at the mention of it. “And thinking about how I can’t wait to be your best man.” He smiles at Joe. “Picking my suit’s a bit of a pain in the arse, but…I suppose it’s alright, for you.”

“You can’t look better than me,” Joe says, wiping at his face. “Don’t want Rami to think he’s marrying the wrong one.”

Ben slowly grins at that. “No one could ever look better than you, mate,” he says. Joe scoffs a bit, and Ben just pulls him into a hug. He plays a bit with Joe’s hair, trying to soothe him. “He loves you, you know,” and Joe whimpers a bit, and Ben pulls him closer. “And he knows you love him.”

Joe breaks a bit, clutching at Ben. “I didn’t get to say it,” he says. “I— they— I didn’t get to say it, before they sedated him.”

“You’ll say it when he wakes up,” Ben says. “We all will. He’ll be fine. He’s just resting.” He’s not sure if he believes that, but he’ll keep saying it until Joe does.

\+ + + + +

Joe excused himself a few minutes ago to go make some phone calls, so Ben took the chair beside the bed, looking at Rami. It’s hard to say whether he’s started to look any better over the couple hours that Ben’s been there, but he doesn’t think he looks any worse. Which to him is great. The nurses come in to check a machine on his finger every once in awhile, that they explain is making sure there’s enough oxygen in his blood. They’ve taken his blood as well. Ben watched it all with interest, and then immediately googled everything they would tell him. He’s read that the longer someone is on a ventilator for, the worse it is, so he keeps hoping that someone will come in and say that it’s time for him to come off now, he’s okay! But it doesn’t happen. He also reads descriptions of bacteria pneumonia; he doesn’t understand a lot of the clinical language used, but from what he can gather, not everybody with it ends up on a ventilator. Wikipedia uses the term _extremely sick individual_ to describe someone in Rami’s situation, so he thinks that maybe the nurse was right, it really is because of Rami’s poor immune system. He was happy to read that 90 percent of patients improve from their initial round of antibiotics, but he shut his phone off when he saw that four million people a year die from it.

For a bit, he felt a bit like Gwil, reading books about the Plague, and listening to podcasts about human biology. He sighs. It’s not as if he doesn’t understand why Gwil was short with him this morning, it’s the same reason that Joe snapped at him yesterday. They’re under a lot of stress. He just doesn’t get why everybody always has to take it out on him. Sometimes he feels like he’s got a sign that says ‘kick me’ on him or something.

Ben feels a bit guilty for not having his full attention be on Rami, but also…Rami’s asleep, so maybe it’s alright that he’s still on his mobile. He’s just staring at it, mindlessly scrolling. He’s not even blinking, he thinks, except for when he looks up at Rami every few seconds just make sure that nothing’s changed. Then all of a sudden he realizes how dry his eyes are, and it becomes all he can focus on. He puts his mobile down for a moment and rubs his eyes, groaning softly. He’s in a hospital, he’s sure there’s eyedrops around somewhere. He glances around, and then he feels guilty that Rami is in the goddamn _hospital_ and he needs a machine to help him breathe and Ben’s annoyed that he’s got fucking dry eyes. Ironically, he then starts to tear up a bit, feeling hot with shame, but it helps. He rubs at his eyes a bit more and sniffles. He has a quick cry, trying to calm himself down before Joe or a nurse come back in, and then he sniffles again and straightens up in his chair, clearing his throat. He wipes at his face once more and then just sighs and goes back to his phone. He scrolls down blindly through the news stories, and through social media, and then he goes to his email, not really expecting anything new except ads from the places he shops and maybe one or two things he signed up for, because he checked that not long ago, and—

His stomach twists, and he sits up a bit straighter. He swallows hard, and then hesitates over opening the email. He can’t, not now. Not while Rami’s so sick. He’d be selfish to open that email now. It’s not— what’s even the point? If he opens it and finds out he was accepted, it’s not like he’s going to go run and tell Joe or Gwil that he’s gotten in. They don’t have time to congratulate him; they’d probably wonder how the hell he could be so excited over something like that right now. And if he wasn’t accepted, well, then…they’re certainly not going to pity him over something so stupid right now. Not when Rami’s like this. 

Ben brings his thumb up to his mouth, and then sinks low in his seat. Part of him just considers deleting the email entirely; it’s not like anything matters right now, outside of Rami getting better. Rami, probably the kindest and sweetest person that Ben’s ever met, is in a hospital bed struggling to breathe right now. Who the fuck cares whether Ben’s got into university or not. He just shakes his head, biting on his thumb. He should’ve just stayed with the IIS, he thinks, he was so bloody ridiculous to just _quit_ without any back-up plan, while Rami was so desperate to go back to work for them that he was doing another degree, and Ben knows that one has absolutely nothing to do with each other but he just hates himself _so much_ right now that he would even think about his job and whether or not he got into uni when Joe’s scared to death that he’ll lose the love of his life and Gwil can’t stop crying when he thinks about never seeing his best mate again.

Ben just shakes his head and turns off his mobile, shoving it into the pocket of his joggers. He sits there for a couple minutes, trying to calm himself down, and then he just squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to scream in frustration or draw any attention to himself. He takes his mobile back out and goes back to his emails, deleting it.

 _There, that’s it, it’s done_ , he thinks, sniffling. Now focus on Rami, he tells himself. He puts his phone away again, and then reaches out, gently touching Rami’s hand. He trails his fingers over his veins, thinking about the drugs that are in them now, trying to make him better. He runs his fingers up his arm, and then swallows hard, moving his hand back down to take Rami’s hand. He still doesn’t know if Rami can hear him or not; he knows he’s not in a coma or anything, but he thinks about the time he got his wisdom teeth taken out, and was under anesthesia, and he certainly didn’t hear anything around him then. But still, if Rami can hear him, it might be nice for him to listen to Ben. And even if he can’t, oh well, maybe it might be nice for Ben.

“You know,” he softly, and then clears his throat a bit when he hears how rough his voice is, “I think Joe’s still a bit jealous that you introduced yourself to me first.” He smiles at Rami. “You should have heard how he went off when I told him, oh, Rami came up to me in meal hall, asking if I could look in on his mate. He was the worst, oh of _course_ he said hi to you, everyone likes you better than me, what was he like, was he alright, did he say if he wanted to meet me?” Tears spring to Ben’s eyes, and he reaches up, wiping at them as he sniffles. “I think you two met the next day anyway, wasn’t it? And then he came to my office, just ran in without knocking, as usual of course, and said that he thought he was in love with you.” Ben laughs, and it comes out a bit broken as he starts to cry again. “I mean, I can’t say it _surprised_ me, it didn’t, honestly, Joe’s…I mean, I think he had a bit of a crush on me the first day we met too. Don’t tell him I said that, I don’t think he knows I know, but…I think maybe I thought it would pass, but it didn’t.” Ben sniffles again, still smiling. “I think he…well honestly, I can’t wait to go to this bloody wedding because he’s been planning it for almost two years, so it better be amazing.”

Ben looks at him for a bit, as if he’s expecting him to just wake up and start chatting along with him, and then he laughs a bit. “Remember when you asked me if he was artistic? So, clearly, I think you were pretty in love back then too.” He smiles. “I was spending all my time trying to get Gwil to just _look_ at me and you two were— you two were it. That’s—” More tears come, and he blinks a few times. “Yeah,” he says softly. “You two are just…I mean, I don’t believe in all that—” He shrugs a bit. “Fate, bullshit, you know, but. For me, it’s rubbish, but you two, I just…there’s no way it was just a coincidence, you know? You literally traveled through space and time to meet each other, so.” He shifts a bit, stretching his arm out on Rami’s bed, lowering himself down so that he can rest his head. “I don’t know if Joe would ever be happy again if he lost you.” He swallows hard, and frowns a bit. “I don’t think Gwil would be either, so just…” He squeezes Rami's hand again. “Get your rest, and feel a bit better, and then wake up, okay?” He smiles sadly at him. “For all of us, I— I can’t lose you either.” He watches the rise and fall of Rami’s chest, and can feel himself slowly starting to drift off. He's just so tired.

\+ + + + +

Joe ends the phone call with Ginnie— he’d been so upset at the idea of telling her that they probably wouldn’t be able to visit next month, but Ginnie had just assured him that she would come to London as soon as she could. Joe had tried to tell her no, that by the time she got here and got settled, Rami would hopefully be better, but she just said no, no, and that she would look at her calendar and try to figure it out.

He puts his phone in his pocket and walks down the hallway to the waiting room. He sees Gwil in the corner, leaning against the wall, clearly trying to find a comfortable position in a chair made for someone a lot smaller than him. He swallows hard, and then walks over, sitting down beside him. “Hey,” he says.

“Hi,” Gwil says, wiping at his face, straightening up a bit. “Any change?” he asks hopefully, but Joe just shakes his head.

“I’m sorry you’re alone out here,” Joe says.

“No, it’s alright,” Gwil says. “I— I was with him yesterday.” He reaches up, scratching at his beard. 

Joe nods slowly. “Yeah, but…I don’t know if you should be alone just in…general.” Gwil looks over at him, and Joe tries to offer him a comforting smile, then rests against his side. “I’m sorry about the nurse,” he says, “but I’m going to get you back in there.”

“How’s Ben?” Gwil asks.

“Better than me,” Joe says. “I brought you this,” he says, offering up an Agatha Christie book that Ben had brought from the flat for Rami. “I know they only take like, two hours to read, but I thought maybe it would distract you.”

“Thank you,” Gwil says. He takes the book, and holds it on his lap, but he doesn’t look down at it.

Joe sighs a bit. He doesn’t know what to say to Gwil, honestly. He had Ben comforting him all morning, and he still doesn’t really believe that Rami will be okay, so it feels a bit disingenuous to come out here and tell Gwil that everything will be fine. But the thing is, he knows how much Ben would miss Rami if something happened to him, how much that would hurt him. But he thinks Gwil is the only one who completely understands what Joe is feeling right now. He and Gwil will be absolutely devastated if Rami doesn’t make it, in a way that even Ben wouldn’t completely get.

Joe wants to ask Gwil, is this how he felt when he found out Roger died? But he doesn’t. He feels like it’s never a good time to bring that up, and particularly not right now. But it really makes him think that Gwil already knows how it feels to lose someone like that. And now he’s facing the possibility of it happening again. He wants to say that if Rami doesn’t make it, that he wants Gwil to move in with him, take the second bedroom back. But he doesn’t want to say that either; he doesn’t want to face the possibility that Rami won’t wake up, and he knows Gwil won’t want to either.

“Go see him,” Joe says suddenly, and Gwil frowns.

“What?” he asks.

Joe sits up a bit, gently pushing at Gwil’s arm. “Go see Rami,” he says. “I’ll wait out here while you go in.”

“Joe, I can’t,” Gwil says.

“I’ll cover for you,” Joe says. He hopes that Gwil knows that he doesn’t want him to be in there for _hours_ or anything, Joe wants to get back in there, but he can’t not let Gwil see him. Especially if…

“But Ben—” 

“He’s fine,” Joe says. “Go in.”

Gwil looks at Joe, looking at him as if to say _are you sure_ , and then he just hands the book back over to him, and pushes himself up. He walks down the hallway, and then takes a couple breaths before glancing around to make sure the nurses aren’t watching him, ready to attack, and then he walks into Rami’s room. He sees Ben resting his head on Rami’s bed, and it looks like he must be uncomfortable, but Ben’s managed to fall asleep anyway. Gwil’s steps falter a bit and he hesitates, deciding whether or not he should be in there while Ben’s asleep, or wake him. He feels terrible for snapping at Ben earlier, and he’s not sure if Ben wants to be around him or not; he might wake up and just go out into the waiting room with Joe. 

Gwil sighs, looking at Rami for a bit, and then he walks over to the sofa; Joe had folded it back up at some point, so he sits down. The cushion squeaks a bit though, and Ben jerks awake. “Sorry, love,” he says, and Ben jumps, turning to look at him. “Sorry about that too,” he says.

“It’s alright,” Ben murmurs, rubbing at his face. “I fell asleep.”

“Yeah,” Gwil says. “Probably just for a couple minutes, though.”

Ben nods tiredly, and shifts in his chair, looking back at Rami. 

“I am sorry, love,” Gwil says.

“I know,” Ben says, not looking back at him, “you said.”

“I meant about earlier,” Gwil says.

Ben looks back at him, and then shrugs. “I— I know. You were just upset.”

“I was,” Gwil says, “I— I still am. But that doesn’t mean I was right to snap at you like that.”

Ben shrugs again, and looks down at his lap. “It’s—”

“Wrong of me,” Gwil says, “to take my anger out on you. Just like Joe shouldn’t have snapped at you yesterday.” He leans forward, reaching out to take Ben’s hand. “You said, when I stayed, that if I _ever_ talked to you like that again—”

“And you never have,” Ben says. “Gwil, that— that…isn’t the same as being short with me because your best mate is in hospital. I— I meant what I said, I would never put up with that again, and I won’t, but you’ve— you’re not like that.”

“I hurt your feelings though, didn’t I?” Gwil says. Ben looks over at him, watching for a moment, before he nods. “Ben, I’m so sorry.”

“It's alright,” Ben says. “We’ve got bigger things to worry about right now than my feelings.” He turns back in his chair, looking at Rami.

Gwil frowns, and he doesn’t know what to say to make Ben believe him, or at least accept it; he knows that Ben’s not used to apologies, or at least not real ones. He just reaches out, resting his hand on Ben’s shoulder. He looks over at Rami, watching him breathe. “Does he react, when you speak to him?” he asks.

Ben shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I don’t think so.” He sighs. “Do you think he’s dreaming?” he asks.

“I don’t know, love,” Gwil says. “Maybe.”

“I hope they’re good dreams, then,” Ben says. “I hope he’s not scared.”

Gwil’s eyes fill with tears, and his hand tightens on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s not,” he says softly, and Ben looks back at him.

“You should be sitting here,” Ben says, standing up, Gwil’s hand slipping down his back as he moves. “You should be next to him.”

“That’s alright,” Gwil says, but he stands up anyway, taking Ben’s place in the chair. 

“Do you want to be alone with him?” Ben asks.

“I don’t want to force you out, love,” Gwil says.

“No, it’s…” Ben bites down on his lip, and looks away, and Gwil’s stomach twists. He knows what Ben’s doing, and realizes now that it’s the same thing that Joe was doing: offering him one last time to speak to Rami, just in case something happens to him. An opportunity to say goodbye, in case something goes wrong in the next few hours. That’s probably what Ben was doing alone in here as well.

“Okay,” Gwil says, voice rough, and Ben nods. Before Ben can walk away though, Gwil reaches out, lightly grasping onto Ben’s wrist.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks.

“I love you,” Gwil says, swallowing hard. “I— and I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Ben says softly.

“I’m just so scared,” Gwil says, his voice breaking. “It’s no excuse and I know that and I’m sorry, but Rami is—” He lets out a shaky breath, briefly closing his eyes.

“I know,” Ben says again. He smiles faintly, leaning down to give him a kiss. “When you’re done in here,” he says, “maybe we should go for a walk, or go to the cafeteria or something. Give Joe a minute alone.”

“Okay,” Gwil says.

"I love you,” Ben murmurs, sliding his arm from Gwil’s grasp. “He’ll be alright.”

Gwil sniffles and nods, watching Ben walk out of the room, and then he looks back at Rami. At first he doesn’t know what to say, because there’s so much he _could_ say. They’ve been best mates for years now, they’ve been through— well, there’s really no easy way to sum up everything that they’ve been through together. There’s no way he could say everything he wanted to Rami in such a short period of time. He also doesn’t want to say anything at all— because if he says goodbye, or anything like it, then it’s like he’s given up, that he thinks Rami won’t make it. And he doesn't want to think that.

But still, knowing that maybe this is his last chance to speak to Rami, he knows he should say _something_. Even if Rami can’t hear it, Gwil will regret not taking the chance when he had it. He thinks about how he wishes he could go back and speak to Roger one last time, what he would say to him. He doesn’t want that for Rami too.

Gwil shifts in his chair, and opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it again. He gently clears his throat, trying to think of what to say. Part of him is thinking that if this _is_ the last time he gets to speak to Rami, he doesn’t want to bugger it up. Rami’s the sort of person that deserves poems written about him, songs about how lovely he is. Joe’s come to Gwil a couple times now, worried that his vows won’t be good enough, won’t be able to fully capture how much he loves Rami and how wonderful he thinks he is. Gwil’s assured Joe, more than once, that Rami doesn’t care about how eloquent Joe is or anything like that; Rami’s brilliant, but he’s not demanding, and he just wants Joe to be honest, and say what makes him happy.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you,” Gwil says finally, breaking the silence. “You know I— I’m so sorry about what you’ve lost, but if I had come through this and— if I had lost you too, or god, if we’d never met, I…well, I just don’t know where I’d be.”

He sniffles, wiping at his eyes, and then he sits forward a bit, taking Rami’s hand. “I suspect that this is the universe punishing me for how I treated you.” He doesn’t _really_ think that’s true, he doesn’t believe in that sort of thing, but…well, maybe. “Except that’s not really fair because— because you don’t deserve this.” He tries to smile and then tears fill his eyes again and his head falls forward a bit. “You deserve…” He trails off, trying to think. “Joe,” he says finally, laughing a bit. “God, you do. And your flat, and Augie, and your— your Masters, and your wedding, and—” His bottom lip trembles a bit. “You just deserve to be happy. That’s…all. That’s all I ever wanted, and I know for a long time I had a shit way showing it, but in my head, it made sense.”

Gwil watches Rami for a few moments, holding his hand between both of his. “I just want you to wake up,” he says softly, “and be fine. I want to— I want to see…” He sniffles loudly, his voice breaking. “I want to see your life, I— you—” He swallows hard and lets out a heavy breath. “You deserve more than what you’ve had so far. You deserve everything, and I want you to be _married_ , to have a husband that loves you and that you can kiss in public and have it be alright, and I want you to have a baby and the family you always wanted. I want to see what you’re still going to do, and what you can be, because I know we’ve been back for almost two years and that’s a long time, a lot has happened, but at the same time, it’s nothing at all. Sometimes I feel like we’ve only just settled in, still. Ben says things sometimes and I still don’t know what he’s talking about, and sometimes I feel too stupid to ask, so I just…don’t.”

Gwil looks up when he thinks he sees a shadow at the door, hoping it’s not a nurse come to kick him out, but it was just someone walking by, and he looks back at Rami. “I don’t want to live in a world that would— that would take you from Sami, and your family, and then bring you here, just to…do this to you. It’s not fair. It’s not, I— I would—” Gwil cuts himself off, realizing that he was about to say he would trade places with Rami in a heartbeat, and he just…he doesn’t want to think like that. It might be true, it might not, but he doesn’t want to say it, give the universe any stupid ideas because the one thing that sounds as awful as being here, watching Rami unable to breathe on his own, is imagining Ben crying at his own bedside, begging him to wake up.

He rubs at his eyes, feeling tired. “I can’t ask you to stay,” he says softly, mostly to himself. “I know it’s not up to you. If it were, you’d be— we’d all be at your flat right now, or out to dinner, and…” Gwil looks at Rami, just watching him. “Please don’t leave me,” he says, desperation edging into his voice. “I lost so much already, I can’t lose you too. Please don’t go.” Tears spill down his cheeks and his shoulders start to shake. “Please, Rami, I love you. You’re my best mate, if I lose you, I don’t know what I’ll do, I don’t know who I am anymore if I’m not your best mate.” He cries heavily, unable to keep the sounds in any longer. “I want to be at your wedding, and I want to hold your baby, and I want to see you smile again, please don’t leave.” He falls forward, sobbing. He can’t hold back, he thinks this is the hardest he’s cried in…well, he did a fair bit of crying about two years ago, so it’s hard to say, but he can feel it draining him, exhausting him. He just stays there, hunched over the edge of the bed, sobbing until he feels like he has no tears left in him, and then there’s a knock on the door and he jerks straight up, wiping at his face. 

He’s worried that it’s a nurse, but it’s just Ben and Joe returning. “Sorry I was in here so long,” he says, wiping at his eyes again, “I just—”

“It’s okay,” Joe assures him, looking at Rami as he walks over to Gwil. He pulls him in for an awkward hug, Gwil’s face pressed against Joe’s stomach, and Joe just softly comforts him for a few moments, until Gwil pulls back, looking at Ben, who’s just watching him back. 

“I just…” Gwil looks at Rami, and then sniffles a bit. “I’ll miss him,” he says, and Ben nods, while Joe just winces a bit, closing his eyes against such a definitive statement that makes it sound like Rami really won’t get better.

The three of them stay there together, silent for a few minutes, until a nurse comes to the door. He doesn't even have to say anything, Gwil just stands up, and reaches out to take Ben’s hand.

“We were just leaving,” Gwil says to the nurse, then he looks back at Joe. “We’ll be out there waiting,” he says, and Joe nods. Gwil takes one last look at Rami, and sees Ben doing the same thing, before they walk out into the hallway.

Ben squeezes Gwil’s hand, looking up at him. “Did you talk to him?” he asks, and Gwil nods. “Good,” he says. “Good, that’s important.” He sighs a bit. “Did you want to go get a coffee?” he asks. “We can go downstairs, or there’s a cafe just up the street, I think.”

Gwil swallows hard, and nods. “Just downstairs, I think,” he says softly. “I don’t…”

“Right, I understand,” Ben says, nodding. They get in the lift together, and Gwil tugs Ben a bit closer, until he can wrap his arms around him, leaning down to bury his face in Ben’s neck, taking a deep breath. “Oh,” Ben says softly, rubbing Gwil’s back, pressing a kiss to his neck. “It’s alright, I’m here,” he says.

The lift doors open and Gwil straightens up, taking Ben’s hand again. They walk out, and Ben glances around, turning right down the hallway. “Love?” Gwil asks, and Ben glances up at him. “How are you?” he asks.

Ben opens his mouth to speak, and then just blinks a couple times, shaking his head. “I…don't know, honestly.”

“I’m sorry,” Gwil says, and Ben just shrugs. “No, it’s not— don’t do that,” he says. “I’m sorry that it’s hard on you and Joe and I are a bit shit at helping out right now. I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”

Ben looks up at him, tongue coming out to wet his lips as he tries to figure out what to say. “Thank you,” he says finally. “I’m sorry you’re hurting too.”

“Do you really think he’ll be alright?” Gwil asks. 

Ben shrugs, shaking his head. “I don’t know,” he says. “I…I mean, I hope he’ll be alright, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone to be alright, but that…that doesn’t mean anything. I just…it’s like, if he is alright, then nothing— nothing changes, really. We go home, he’ll get better, we’ll just…be the same. But if he’s not, that— well.”

“Changes everything,” Gwil says, and Ben nods.

“Yeah, exactly,” he says. “I don’t know what—” Ben voice breaks a bit, and he smiles up at Gwil. “It’s just odd now to think about how I— it used to be just me and Joe and I was perfectly happy with that, and now I can’t imagine my life without you and Rami in it.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Gwil asks, and Ben shakes his head.

“No,” he says softly, squeezing Gwil’s hand. “It’s a wonderful thing.” They walk to the small cafe, and Ben gets in line, and glances back at Gwil, who stands close behind him. Ben swallows hard, and looks back down at his feet.

“What’s wrong?” Gwil asks softly.

“Nothing,” Ben says.

“Ben, love,” Gwil says, tilting his head down a bit.

“I’m worried what you’re going to do if he dies,” Ben says, and Gwil’s stomach twists. “And Joe. Both of you, I— I just don’t know.” He glances up at Gwil, eyes filled with tears. “That’s awful, isn’t it? But I—” He wipes at his eyes and clears his throat, stepping up to the counter. He gives their order, paying for their drinks, as well as a couple pastries, and then they wait off to the side. 

Gwil shifts on his feet, reaching out for Ben again. “I don’t want to lose you, love,” he says softly.

“I know that,” Ben says, looking up at him.

“And I don’t want to leave you either,” Gwil says. Ben doesn’t say anything, just looks up at him probably just trying to figure out how much Gwil means it. “I don’t know what I’ll do,” Gwil continues. “I— I don’t know how to live without him, but I— I’ll try. If I have to. If it comes to that.”

Ben wipes at his eyes, sniffling, and nodding quickly. They take their drinks and pastries, and Ben just clears his throat. “I— sorry, I know I brought it up, but I don’t think I can talk about it anymore,” he says. “I don’t want to think about it.”

“No,” Gwil says, giving him a sympathetic smile. “Neither do I. Let’s just sit, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben says, walking over to a small table, pulling out his chair. He sits down, and takes a bite of the pastry, chewing it quickly and swallowing hard. He looks over at Gwil, and tries giving him a smile, but he just starts to cry again. “Sorry,” he says, wiping at his face. “I’m a bit of a mess,” he says.

“No, it’s alright,” Gwil says. “It feels like this has already been the longest day of my life. We’re just tired, it’s…it’ll be better.” He’s not sure if that’s true or not, but he hopes it is. As hard as it was to watch Rami in his room, it’s just as hard to watch Ben breaking down in front of him. “When he wakes up, it’ll be alright.”

“Yeah,” Ben says, sniffling. “When he wakes up.” He laughs a bit. “He’s going to get a goddamn earful from me about getting so sick, that’s for sure. I want to make sure you and him are both up-to-date on all your vaccinations, I’m not dealing with this again.” He sniffles and looks away, taking a sip.

Gwil nods, and reaches out, taking Ben’s hand. He smiles, looking down at the rings each of them wear. He gently rubs his thumb over Ben’s hand, and then leans in, pressing a kiss to Ben’s cheek.

“Stop it, I’m a mess,” Ben says, wiping at his cheeks, and Gwil shakes his head.

“Beautiful as the day I first saw you,” he murmurs, and Ben snorts. 

“That’s not as romantic as it should be, considering how we met,” Ben says, and Gwil laughs softly.

“No, I suppose not,” Gwil says. He reaches up, pushing Ben’s hair back a bit. “As beautiful as that day at the beach, then.”

Ben brings his coffee up to his mouth, trying to cover up his smile, and he leans back, resting against Gwil.“That was a nice day,” he says softly.

“It was,” Gwil says. He kisses his cheek again, and Ben just sighs, settling against him. “The four of us will go back again,” he says, and Ben nods.

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “Maybe we can take the baby.”

Gwil smiles at that idea, and takes a sip of his drink.

\+ + + + +

Joe’s tongue comes out to wet his lips, sighing softly as he turns the page. “ _Philip was always a nasty, money-grubbing little brute. I must confess I have always had a distaste for him. But I am told that he tells a very good story and that he has the reputation of being a staunch friend._ ” Joe looks up, sniffling a bit, watching Rami for a few moments before he just swallows hard and blinks and goes back to the book. “ _Meredith was what my contemporaries used to call Namby Pamby.”_ Joe makes a quiet noise at that. “ _Liked botany and—_ ” Joe slowly grins at that; even despite the circumstances, that’s just funny. “Namby Pamby,” he says softly, and then starts to chuckle. “God, Gwil,” he says to himself, and then he looks back up at Rami. “Is that you called Gwil back then?” he asks. “Namby Pamby?” Joe smiles, watching Rami. “Okay, sorry,” he says, gently clearing his throat. “ _Liked botany and butterflies and observing birds and beasts. Nature study they call it nowadays. Ah dear— all the young people were a disappointment to their parents._ ”

Joe sits back a bit in his chair, frowning at that idea. He flips to the front of the book, seeing the year it was published — 1942. He’s sort of surprised, really. He always assumed that Gwil’s job was seen as cool, and important, and interesting; he’s always thought of it that way, though maybe being close with Gwil and hearing how passionate he is about has biased him a bit. He never really considered the possibility that Gwil would be a disappointment to his parents just because he liked flowers, though now…

Joe closes the book entirely, dropping it on the nightstand beside Rami’s bed. He leans forward, taking Rami’s hand in his, smiling down at him. He reaches out with his other hand, pushing Rami’s curls back from his forehead. “Maybe you need a haircut,” he says softly. “Or not, maybe. I don’t know, I love your hair.” He squeezes Rami’s hand gently. “Maybe for the wedding? What are you doing with it for the wedding? Keeping it curly, or styling it down?” He and Rami hadn’t really discussed their suits or anything like that; Joe tried once to ask what Rami was planning on wearing, but Rami had said no, he wanted it to be a surprise, which Joe assumed meant that Ben knows. Joe’s okay with that; the more and more he thinks about seeing Rami for the first time on their wedding day, the more excited he gets. “You’re gonna look so handsome,” he says, smiling. “I can’t wait. Not just because you’re gonna look handsome, but I mean, I’d be lying if I said I’m not excited for that part too.”

Joe sniffles, and his eyes well up with tears as he leans forward, resting his forehead on the bed. His shoulders start to shake as he cries, and after a few moments, he lifts his head up, wiping at his face. “Sorry about that,” he says, trying to give Rami a smile. “Do you want me to read to you some more?” he asks. “That book was getting pretty good.” He sniffles, and waits for a bit. “I— I can read you something else if you like.” He reaches over, grabbing his phone. “There’s uh, well…just something I’m working on, maybe I can get your thoughts.” He opens the Notes app and scrolls down a bit. “This is just a rough draft,” he says. “I tried a couple funny ones, but Gwil vetoed them. I vow never to steal the covers, unless you’re hogging them. That’s…you know. I promise to love you, honour you, but I refuse to obey because I think that’s creepy.” He smiles. “I really liked this one, but Gwil said no: I promise to continue to make our friends really jealous of how amazing we are together.” Joe scrolls down a bit, and then starts to laugh. “This one is good though: I promise to take your hand and never let you go. We’ll have to get our clothes specially made, but it’ll be worth it.” He looks up at Rami. “I think that one would kill, honestly, that’s…come on. That’s good.”

Joe sighs, and scrolls down a bit. “I started thinking about like, better, famous people that I could rip off, so I’ve got lyrics from Elvis, and The Beatles, and Elton John, and that Noël Coward guy you and Gwil like. I found this Bob Marley quote, I don’t think you know who he is, but it was like…I mean, I’m still considering stealing the whole thing because it blew my mind. Oh! _The Shape of Water_ , I mean…yeah, okay, so we know what Ben and Gwil would say, but I think I could make it work!”

Joe swallows hard. “This is…well, this is one that’s a bit better, I think, but I don’t know. Uh,” he clears his throat, “there is an infinite number of things I love about you. I love how caring and thoughtful you are, I love your smile. I love that sometimes, when you laugh, you snort a little, and then I love how much you laugh afterwards, because you think that snorting is funny. I love the face you make when Augie is doing something so cute, you just have to pick him up and hold him. I promise to support you, and care for you, and love you until the day I die.”

He looks up from his phone, nodding slowly. “I’m not sure about that one, really, I don’t know. I’m not sure it really gets it across, you know? I don’t know. Like…it doesn’t feel good enough. Is it? Is that, like…I just want to _really_ make it obvious, you know. That you’re like, the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He sniffles loudly. “I don’t know. Ben’s like, all into Shakespeare, and Gwil’s just…I don’t know, a professor. I know of science, but still, looking at the guy, he looks like he writes poetry. And I’m, huh, well, yes, I work in Communications, but not _that_ kind. I just— I’d be so…I don’t want to get up there and make a fool of myself, and have you be embarrassed by me, or something I said. I don’t know. Maybe there’s something in there I can work with. I’ll keep— I mean, we still have like, seven months, which is plenty of time, I just…it goes by so quickly, you know.” 

Joe bites down on his lip as he thinks for a moment. “It’ll go by even quicker, once the baby comes. You know, I think it’ll be like, they’re born, and then…they’re 18 and moving out, ha. I don’t know. That’s the type of thing my mom says. She’s usually right about that sort of thing.” He opens his mouth to keep talking, and then starts typing on his phone. “I just had a really good idea for the vows, hold on a sec.” He finishes typing, and then looks up. “Okay, what about something like, uh, I don’t know…time goes by so quickly, you know that better than almost anyone, and as much as that scares me sometimes, I can’t wait to spend all the rest of my time with you. Something like that?” He brings his thumb up to his mouth, biting on it for a second. “I don't know, I’ll work on it.” He puts his phone away, and then smiles over at Rami. “If you can hear me, and you’re scared right now, I just want you to know you shouldn’t be, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. _I’ll_ be scared, okay? For the both of us. I don’t want you to worry about a thing except getting better, okay? And you _are_ getting better. I know it’s only been a few hours, but I can tell.” He picks Rami’s hand up, giving it a kiss. “You’ll be awake in no time, I promise.” He smiles faintly. “I love you.” He kisses his hand again, and lets out a deep shaky breath. “I’m not going anywhere so you just…just wake up, okay?” His eyes fill with tears again and his voice cracks a bit, and his head falls forward. “Please be okay,” he says, sniffling loudly. “I— whatever the universe needs me to promise to make you okay again, I’ll do it, just give me a sign or something, I’ll do it. Just get better, okay?” He stands up and then leans over Rami, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth. “I love you,” he whispers. “Please get better. I can’t do this without you.” He kisses him again and sits down again, smiling at him, squeezing his hand.

“Okay,” he says, “let’s get back to the book. Miss Agatha Christie, let’s do this.” He reaches over, grabbing the book, finding his page again. He looks up at Rami, and then clears his throat, starting to read again.

\+ + + + +

Ben and Gwil hover by the doorway to Rami’s room, looking in. “We can stay, Joe,” Ben says, and Joe just wipes at his face. “Well, Gwil can, anyway. I’ll go home and take care of Augie, but are you sure you should be alone?”

“I’m not alone,” Joe says, “I’m fine.”

Ben sighs a bit. “Joe, I—” He looks at Gwil. “Stay with him,” he says. “Share the bed.”

“The nurses would kick me out in a minute,” Gwil says. “You stay. I can take care of Augie, he likes me well enough.” He smiles faintly at Joe. “Wouldn’t be the first time you two shared a bed.”

Ben tries not to smile, tries to keep it serious, and he looks at Gwil. “I don’t want you to be alone either, though,” he says.

“Well, okay then,” Joe says, “it’s agreed. You guys go home.” Ben puts his thumb up to his mouth, and Joe reaches up, pulling it away. He squeezes Ben’s hand in his, and smiles. “Go home, Ben,” he says gently.

“I…” Ben trails off, looking past Joe to look at Rami. “I don’t want to leave him,” he says. “Or you. I just…” He shifts on his feet, not wanting to say that he’s worried something bad will happen in the night.

“I know,” Joe says. He pulls Ben into a hug, rubbing his back a couple times. “You go home, okay? Go see my kid, make sure he knows we’re okay, and we’ll be home in a couple days.” He steps back, and then pulls Gwil into a hug as well. “I promise he’ll be here when you come back in the morning.”

“I know,” Gwil says.

“I’m not letting him go anywhere,” Joe continues.

Gwil squeezes Joe tightly, and then steps back. “I know,” he says. “I trust you. But don’t hesitate to call, or text, or anything.”

“Of course,” Joe says.

“Please try to get some sleep,” Ben says. “I know it’ll be hard, but please don’t stay up all night, you need to get some rest.”

“Okay, Benny,” Joe says, “I promise.”

“I’m serious,” Ben says. “He’s probably contagious, and if you aren’t sleeping, you’ll— well just, sleep, alright? Please?”

Joe’s face softens, and he nods a bit. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “I’ll try.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He hugs Joe again. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Joe says. “I’ll see you in the morning, or— maybe, I don’t know. If something happens…”

“He’ll be alright,” Ben says. “I promise.”

“Bye Joe,” Gwil says, giving him a bit of a wave. He and Ben start walking, but they keep their heads turned, watching Joe walk back into the room. 

“He’ll be okay, won’t he?” Ben asks, glancing up at Gwil.

“Rami or Joe?” Gwil asks.

Ben sighs. “Yeah,” he says. He looks back towards the room again, and his hand tightens in Gwil’s. “I feel awful leaving him there alone,” he says. “I— I don’t know, Gwil.” He stops walking, looking down at the floor, taking a couple deep breaths, clearly starting to feel anxious. “What if something happens and we’re not here?”

“It’s okay, love,” Gwil says. He sighs, squeezing Ben’s hand. “We’ve got to go visit Augie, yeah?”

“Yes,” Ben says, reaching up to wipe at his eyes.

“Let’s go do that then,” Gwil says, “and maybe grab something to eat, and we’ll…we’ll figure it out, alright?” He pulls Ben in, kissing his temple. “Let’s go home, just for a bit, and we’ll— come on.”

“Okay,” Ben says softly, voice shaking a bit.

“You’re doing so well,” Gwil says as they wait for the lift. “I’m proud of how strong you are.”

Ben swallows hard, wiping at his eyes. “You don’t have to say that,” he says.

“No, I don’t have to,” Gwil says. “But it’s true, so I will.” They step into the lift, and he leans against the back wall, pulling Ben in towards him, Ben turning to bury his face in the fabric of Gwil’s jumper.

\+ + + + +

Ben’s curled up on the sofa, his feet on Gwil’s lap, eyes closed with Augie curled against him. When they got back to Rami and Joe’s flat, Gwil spoke to Nelly on the phone; she wasn’t able to visit Rami because she was apparently just getting over the flu herself, but she promised to come see him when she could, and thanked Gwil for the update.

Gwil looks over at Ben, who’s got his hands folded up by his mouth, and he’s breathing deep and slow. After they’d rested for a bit, Gwil had planned on taking Ben back to the hospital, and getting him to stay over with Rami and Joe, but Ben had curled up and fallen asleep almost immediately. Gwil’s relieved, at least; he feels just as awful that they’ve left Joe alone with Rami at the hospital, but he selfishly wasn’t feeling up for spending the night on his own either. He’s not sure that he’ll be able to fall asleep tonight either way, his stomach is honestly starting to hurt for how stressed out and anxious he is, but he’s happy to be with Ben.

After awhile, Gwil does find himself drifting off a bit, and he carefully lifts Ben’s legs off his lap, and stands up. He walks over to one of the chairs, grabbing a blanket, and gently settles it down over Ben, tucking him in. He walks into the kitchen to go get a drink of water, and he walks through the flat, turning off the lights, making sure the door is locked. He makes sure that Ben looks comfortable when he walks through the living room, and then heads upstairs. 

Joe told them to sleep in the master bedroom, since the sheets in there were clean. When they first got back to the flat, Gwil had taken the sheets off the bed in the second bedroom and cleaned them too, but he was too lazy to put them back on tonight.

Gwil brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed. He feels a bit odd climbing into Joe and Rami’s bed, especially since he’s in there alone. It’s…different. He keeps expecting Rami to come in through the door and climb in with him. He wonders if he should feel bad about leaving Ben to sleep alone downstairs on the sofa, but he thinks that if Ben wakes up in the night, he’ll just come find him. Gwil just takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, taking a deep breath. He curls onto his side, and closes his eyes, hoping that things are better when he wakes up in the morning. He wants to think they can’t get worse, but he knows that’s not true.

\+ + + + +

Gwil jerks awake, pushing himself up when he hears heavy footsteps quickly bounding up the stairs. For a moment, he’s confused, forgetting where he is. This isn’t his flat, where is he? Then Ben pushes open the door, and he jumps a bit, clutching at his chest. Then he remembers what’s happened, and why he’s in Rami and Joe’s bed, and why Ben was downstairs, and—

Gwil swallows hard. “Don’t,” he says. He shakes his head a bit. “I— please,” he says.

“We gotta go, Gwil,” Ben says. “Joe’s called, come on.”

Tears spring to Gwil’s eyes, and he sniffles. He glances at his watch; it’s practically the middle of the night, what— it can’t be good news, not now. “What’s happened?” he asks.

“They’re trying to take him off the ventilator,” Ben says. “They’re running tests to see if it’ll work.”

Gwil springs into action and pushes the blankets off his lap, crawling to the end of the bed, awkwardly climbing off, hopping a bit as his foot gets stuck in the sheets.

“I’m getting a taxi,” Ben says, “so hurry.”

By the time Ben and Gwil manage to make it outside, the taxi is already waiting for them. It’s only about a ten minute drive to the hospital at this time of night, and they spend the entire trip nervously bouncing their feet up and down, squeezing each other’s hands. As soon as the car is stopped, Gwil is pushing open the door, climbing out, and Ben quickly pays, following behind him. They do slow down a bit once they actually get into the hospital, not wanting to disturb any of the patients or get kicked out by a nurse, but they speed-walk out of the lift down the hall towards Rami’s room, but the door is closed. Ben and Gwil look at each other, and Gwil pulls Ben into a hug before they step back, walking back towards the waiting room. Ben sends Joe a message, letting him know that they’re there, but he doesn’t know how soon to expect a reply. He thinks that either good news or bad news could take awhile. He feels a bit guilty that he woke Gwil up so dramatically and now they’re just sitting in a waiting room, but he feels better that they’re there. Whatever happens, when that door opens and Joe walks out, they’re going to be there for him.

Ben’s not sure how long it is, maybe half an hour, or forty-five minutes, but he looks up when he hears Joe softly say his name. He looks at Gwil, who’s had his head in his hands for at least fifteen minutes, shoulders shaking as he softly cries, and reaches out, rubbing his back. Gwil sniffles and lifts his head up, looking first at Ben, and then Ben points, and he turns, looking at Joe. 

Gwil quickly stands up, and then Ben follows him. Gwil slips his hand into Ben’s, and then clears his throat. “Is he alright?” he asks, voice shaky.

Joe slowly walks over to them, reaching up to wipe at his eyes, tears trailing down his cheeks.

Gwil’s stomach twists, and he feels light-headed and like he’s wavering on his feet, and then Joe grins, starting to laugh a bit. “He’s awake,” Joe says, and Gwil’s mouth falls opens a bit. “Well, no, actually,” Joe says, “he’s asleep, he’s sleeping, but he’s off the ventilator. No more sedatives.”

“Joe,” Ben says softly, rushing forward to pull him into a hug. Gwil does as well, and the three of them stand together in the waiting room, holding onto each other, all of them crying. Ben pulls back first, wiping at his cheeks. “So he’s, what, he’s alright?”

“He’s got a thing,” Joe says, waving his hand towards his face, “in his nose. Like on TV, you know, just an oxygen tube. Just to help him a little bit more. But he’s off the machine. He’s asleep.”

“Did he wake up?” Gwil asks, and Joe nods.

“Yeah,” Joe says, “he looked…groggy as fuck,” he laughs. “But he woke up. He looked at me, said my name. He’s— yeah. He’s going to be okay. The antibiotics are working and he’s probably going to be recovering for a bit, I don’t know how much longer he has to be here for, but—” His bottom lip trembles and he brings his hands up to his face, starting to cry. He wavers a bit on his feet and Gwil pulls him in before his knees can give out, holding him close as Joe sobs into his chest.

“Joe,” Ben says, reaching out, gently playing with his hair. “I’m so happy, I— oh my god, thank god, I don’t know what— just…bloody hell, thank fuck.” Ben laughs a bit and then wipes at his eyes.

“You’re going to be okay,” Gwil says softly, clutching at Joe, holding him up. “You both are.”

Joe nods, and pulls back, then he groans a bit as he wipes at his face. “I’m a fucking mess,” he says. “Oh my god, I— fuck.”

“You look great, if it’s any consolation,” Ben says, and Joe laughs.

“I look like shit,” he says, “but thanks.” He glances back at the room, and then sighs. “I— I’m gonna go back in,” he says.

“Yes, of course,” Gwil says, “go be with him.”

“Should we stay?” Ben asks.

“No, go home,” Joe says. “Go back to bed. I— he’ll be here when you wake up.” He grins at them both. “He’ll be here, he— yeah. My fiancé, he’s…he’s alive.”

“Yeah, he is,” Ben says, nodding. “He’s going to be fine.” He bites down on his lip, trying to grin, but then he lets out a bit of an excited squeal and he pulls Joe back in. “Tell him we love him,” he says, and Joe nods.

“I will,” he says. “I will. Please come back in the morning. He’ll be so happy to see you.”

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Gwil says. “We’ll be here.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “Okay, uh. Goodnight.” He gives them each a quick hug and then waves, turning back towards the room, excitedly running back to the door.

Ben and Gwil looks at each other, and then Gwil wraps his arms around Ben, holding him tight, straightening up and lifting Ben up on his tiptoes. “Gwil, stop,” Ben says, laughing.

“I’m sorry, love, but I— god, I…”

“I know,” Ben says. He leans up, giving Gwil a kiss. “I know. Me too.” He squeezes his hand, smiling. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s go back home.”

“Rami and Joe’s, you mean,” Gwil says, and Ben shrugs.

“All the same to me,” he says. “Let’s go.”

\+ + + + +

Ben and Gwil wake up the next day when they each get a notification on their phone. Ben grumbles and rolls onto his stomach, then wiggles a bit to reach out to grab his phone off the nightstand. He rubs at his eyes, and then frowns, reading the message. He groans, and then hands his phone over to Gwil, dropping back down on the mattress.

“What is it?” Gwil asks. He picks up Ben’s phone, squinting a bit to try to read it without his glasses. It’s a message from Joe:

_Uh, so, big favor, but apparently my mom flew in??!1 what the fuck, di dyou guys know? anyway, can someone go get her at the airport I’m about to lose my shit._

Gwil groans, and drops his head back down onto the pillows, closing his eyes. “He doesn’t say which airport she’s at,” he says.

“I love Ginnie,” Ben mutters, “but someone _please_ tell her about the existence of a taxi queue.” He buries his face in the pillow, and then whimpers a bit. “Can’t we just get some fucking sleep.”

Gwil yawns, rubbing at his eyes. He picks up Ben’s phone again, unlocking it, and then asks Joe where she is. “I’ll go, love,” he says.

“No, that’s not fair,” Ben says. “You should see Rami first.” He reaches up, scratching at his head, and then finally pushes himself up. “I’ll go.” He rolls out of bed, yawning and stretching his arms above his head, grabbing his shirt off the floor. He’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth when he hears their phones go off again.

“She’s figured out the taxi queue!” Gwil calls out, and Ben groans loudly, spitting into the sink. A few moments later, Gwil is at the doorway, looking at Ben. “We may as well get ready then, since we’re up.”

Ben practically glares at him, and Gwil laughs. “Can I sleep in tomorrow?” he asks.

“I don’t know, love,” Gwil says, “that depends on Rami.”

Ben immediately smiles at the mention of his name. “He’s awake,” he says.

“He is,” Gwil says, nodding happily.

Ben just grins. “Okay,” he says, “let’s go.”

\+ + + + +

Rami murmurs softly, and then lifts a heavy hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes. He still feels a bit drowsy, just a bit…cloudy, but still, surprisingly better. He blinks slowly, and then smiles at Joe, who’s sitting in the chair next to his bed. It’s like no time has passed at all.

“Hi,” Joe says, grinning at him.

“Hi,” Rami whispers, his voice still a bit rough.

“Feel okay?” Joe asks. He reaches out, putting his hand on Rami’s forehead. “It’s nice to have you back at normal temperatures.”

“It’s nice to be back,” Rami says. He rubs at his throat a bit. “Dry,” he says.

“Yeah,” Joe nods. “I’ve got water here for you.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, reaching out for the bottle.

“The doctor said it should go away after a couple days,” Joe says, and Rami murmurs quietly, settling back against the bed. He yawns and stretches out a bit, and then looks back at Joe, smiling faintly. “What’s up?” Joe asks.

“Nothing,” Rami says, shaking his head slowly. “Just happy to see you, is all.”

“Where else would I be?” Joe asks.

“Nowhere,” Rami says. “Right here. It’s where I’d be.”

“Exactly,” Joe says. “And I’ll never leave you alone again.”

Rami snorts a bit at that, rolling his eyes. “Well, that’s a bit much,” he says, coughing once. He smiles again. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Joe says. “So. This might be a bit overwhelming, but…my mom is here.”

“Really?” Rami asks, and Joe nods.

“She’s on her way from the airport,” he says. “Which I did not find out about until like, twenty minutes ago when she texted me, so.”

“That’s okay,” Rami says, shifting a bit. “It’ll be nice to have her here.”

“You don’t have to say that,” Joe says, “she might be…a lot.”

“It’ll give you a break to sleep,” Rami says.

Joe scoffs. “Are you kidding me? No. No way. Right here, with you, that’s what I said.”

“Hmm, okay,” Rami says. He takes a couple breaths, sort of enjoying the feeling of being able to do it again; the tube on his face is a bit of a bother, but he shouldn’t need it for much longer. He lifts his hands up, and reaches out to touch his ring, frowning. “Joe?” he asks quickly.

“Here,” Joe says, reaching into his pocket, taking the ring out. “They took it off you when they were doing some test,” he says. “I wouldn’t lose it.” He reaches out, taking Rami’s left hand, sliding the ring back on. He smiles, and lifts Rami’s hand up, giving it a kiss. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too,” Rami says.

“I was so scared,” Joe says, voice breaking, and Rami nods.

“I know, me too,” Rami says, sniffling a bit.

“I hate that,” Joe says, shaking his head. “I hate knowing you were scared.”

“I’m okay now though,” Rami says, and Joe nods. “So are you. It’s okay.”

“I love you,” Joe says again, and Rami smiles.

“I know,” Rami whispers. He wipes at his eyes, and sniffles again. 

“I…” Joe shakes his head a bit, trailing off. “There’s so much I want to say now, but I just— I can’t get it out.”

“That’s alright,” Rami assures him. “I know.”

“I was so scared that you’d— that I wouldn’t get a chance to say how much I love you,” Joe says.

“Joe,” Rami says, “I _know_. I— I know how much you love me. You tell me all the time.”

“I wasn’t sure it was enough,” Joe says, wiping at his face. “I— they put that tube in your mouth and all I could think is that I— that you didn’t know, that I’d messed up, and that you—”

“Joe, you never have to worry about that,” Rami says. “I know how much you love me. And if something were to ever happen to me, god forbid, please don’t worry about that. I know. Just like I hope you know I love you.”

Joe nods quickly. “I do.”

“Okay,” Rami says. He watches Joe for a few moments, thinking about something, before deciding to speak. “Joe?”

“Yeah?”

“How soon could we have a baby?” Rami asks.

Joe frowns a bit, just staring at him, and then he clears his throat a bit. “I— uh, I don’t know,” he says. “It depends on how many tries it takes.”

“Right, but how soon,” Rami says again. “If all went well the first time, how soon could we have a baby?”

Joe lets out a breath as he thinks. “Uh…if it all went well, I guess…uh. January. If it worked the first time. If we started like, _now_. Mary has to take drugs for a few days first before they…you know. Her eggs.”

“Okay,” Rami says, shifting a bit.

“Okay?” Joe echoes. “What’s that mean?”

Rami smiles over at him. “I think you know.”

“I think— what?” Joe asks. “Like, now? Like, _now_ now?”

“Why not?” Rami asks. “The sooner we start, the sooner we can have a baby, right?”

“Yeah, right,” Joe says, “but I mean…the wedding’s in October, you’d be okay with just like…two months of wedded bliss before we have a _baby_?”

“Well, it makes sense to have it sooner,” Rami says. “If I knew the baby was due in January or February, I wouldn’t start working right after I graduate. I’d wait until they were a few months old. Otherwise, I’d have to start and then— well, they won’t just give me leave right away so, sooner is better. Avoid the…work.”

“Sooner is better,” Joe says.

Rami smiles, nodding. “Sooner is better,” he says again. “Can we talk to Mary and Poppy?” he asks.

Joe just looks at him, blinking. “I— you’re sure. You want to start— I mean, we could have a baby in less than a year.”

“I _want_ a baby in less than a year,” Rami says. “I want a baby as soon as possible. Is that okay?”

“Okay?” Joe asks. “Rami, babe, I— are you fucking kidding me, it’s _amazing_!”

“Yeah?” Rami asks. Joe nods eagerly, grinning at him. “Okay,” he says. He laughs a bit when Joe eagerly leans up, giving him a kiss. “It might not work right away,” he says.

“I know,” Joe says. “But— it might. You know. And there’s always the second time. The third. We— we’re going to have a baby.”

“We were always going to have a baby, Joe,” Rami says.

“I know, but now it’s like, a plan,” Joe says. “We gotta talk to Mary and Poppy.”

“That’s what I said,” Rami says. He laughs in surprise when Joe jumps out of his chair, sitting on the bed, leaning down to kiss him again. “I’m sick, you know. Infectious.”

“I don’t care,” Joe says. “My robust modern immune system can handle your germs. I want to kiss my fiancé.”

“Okay,” Rami says. They kiss again, and he just smiles at Joe. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too,” Joe murmurs, cupping Rami’s cheek in his hand. “You’ve got a tube in your nose and you’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’ll remember that,” Rami says. “You can put it in your vows.”

“My— what?” Joe asks, pulling back a bit.

“What?” Rami asks. “It was just a joke. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Joe says, shaking his head. “I thought you— did you hear me?”

“Hear you?” Rami asks. “No, when?” He looks at Joe, then slowly smiles. “Did you practice your vows on me?” he asks.

“No,” Joe says, sitting back down in his chair.

“What did you say?” Rami asks. “Tell me.”

“No!” Joe says. “No way. Nope. You’ll hear them at our wedding, like everybody else.”

“Are they nice?” Rami asks.

“Of course they are,” Joe scoffs. “Are they— _yes_. They’re great. Better than yours.”

“It’s not a competition,” Rami says. “I’m sure they’re lovely.”

Joe smiles. “I’m trying,” he says. “I want them to be special.”

“They’re your wedding vows,” Rami says. “They’ll be special no matter what.” He reaches out for Joe’s hand, smiling when he takes it. “I can’t wait to hear them,” he says.

“Okay,” Joe says. “I can’t wait to say them.” He kisses Rami’s hand, and just smiles at him.

\+ + + + +

Rami glances over at the doorway, where Joe’s standing out in the hall, ducking his head in every few seconds, trying to obey the ‘two visitor’ limit while not letting Rami out of his sight. He smiles, and gives Joe a wave, and then turns back to Ben and Gwil. Ben’s in the chair next to the bed, and Gwil’s sitting on the bed itself, and they’re both just watching him with smiles on their face. “I hope you weren’t too worried,” he says, taking a sip from his water bottle.

“I…think you know we were,” Gwil says, and Rami smiles at him.

“I know,” he says. “I was trying to be polite.”

“I think if anyone can be rude now, it’s you,” Ben says. “You’ve earned it.”

Rami chuckles. “Are you both alright?” he asks.

Gwil and Ben glance at each other. Ben shrugs. “I…it was hard, I won’t lie,” he says. “It was…scary.”

“We’re both just so happy,” Gwil says. “I— really, Rami. It— well, if something had happened, it would’ve been—” He looks down at his lap, gently clearing his throat. “Hard,” he says softly.

“I’m alright now,” Rami says, “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” Ben says. “I’ll hold you to it. You’ll be happy to know that I took care of Augie.”

“Oh yes, thank you,” Rami says. “I hope he’s alright.”

“As good as ever,” Ben says.

“Thank you,” Rami says again. He smiles at Ben and Gwil. “Joe and I were talking, and he said that he was worried that if something had happened to me, that I wouldn’t have known how much he loved me.”

“He only tells you every five minutes,” Ben says. “Be prepared to hear it a lot more now.”

Rami grins. “I know,” he says, and he looks over at the doorway again, seeing Joe quickly duck back out.. “I just— it got me to thinking, that I wanted to make sure that the both of you know how much I love you.” He takes a drink of water. “You do, don’t you? Know that?”

“Yes, of course,” Gwil says. “Absolutely.”

“I think we were scared of the same thing,” Ben says. “I…I just wanted to make sure you knew how important you are to me. You’re one of the most important people in my life.”

“Good,” Rami says. “Gwil?”

“Yes,” Gwil says. “I— I’ve never doubted it for a second. After everything you’ve done for me, how could I? You know I’ve always been so terribly worried that you thought I didn’t care about you.”

“No, I know,” Rami says. “I’ve always known.” He smiles again. “So that’s settled then?”

Ben nods. “Absolutely,” he says. “But it is nice to hear, so…thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Rami says. Good, he thinks. He feels good about that. He'd been so worried.

\+ + + + +

Joe is downstairs with Ginnie, getting her a coffee at the cafe, so Gwil and Ben are still in Rami’s room. Gwil’s in the chair next to Rami’s bed, and they’re quietly chatting, while Ben’s curled up on the sofa with his mobile out, half-listening. He keeps glancing up at Rami, just to check on him, as if to reassure himself that yes, he’s still there, and he goes to his email, mostly deleting things. How does he get so much _rubbish_ sent to him, he thinks. Absolute junk. He shifts on the sofa, and Gwil reaches out, still keeping his eyes on Rami, but resting his hand on Ben.

Ben looks down at it and smiles, and then looks up at Rami, seeing him smiling back at him. He shifts again, and hears Gwil mention Wales, and he quickly looks up.

“That sounds lovely, Ben,” Rami says. “Doesn’t it?”

Ben blinks a couple times, and nods. “Uh, uh yes,” he says. “Absolutely.”

Gwil glances over at him, noticing the distracted tone in Ben’s voice. “Love?” he asks. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Ben says, but he quickly stands up, Gwil’s hand slipping away from him. “I just— uh, I just remembered something I’ve got to check.”

“Check?” Gwil echoes. “What— what is it?”

Ben just ignores him, going to the trash folder in his email. He scrolls down a bit, and then finds the email he was looking for. He bites down on his lip and starts pacing a bit, deciding whether or not to open it.

“Ben?” Gwil asks.

“Nothing,” Ben says. “I’ve just— uh, well…” He looks over at Rami, looking at how tired he still is, the tube in his nose. “No, I’ve…it’s not important, never mind. I’m sorry.”

“What is it?” Rami asks.

“Nothing,” Ben says again. He shakes his head and then puts his phone back in his pocket, sitting down on the sofa again. He looks at Gwil, who’s watching him with a concerned expression on his face. “It’s nothing,” he says.

“Can I see your mobile?” Gwil asks. He doesn’t hold his hand out, though, because he doesn’t want Ben to feel pressured into handing it over.

“It can wait,” Ben says, glancing over at Rami.

“No,” Rami says, and Ben frowns. “Don't not check on my account,” he says. “Besides. I think we should all know by now that sometimes something _can’t_ wait.”

Ben looks at Gwil, and then bites his lip again. “I got an email,” he says. “From Aberystwyth.”

Gwil’s eyes widen. “And?” he asks quickly.

“I don’t know,” Ben says. “I got it yesterday, when Rami was…sick.” He looks down. “So I deleted it.”

“You _deleted_ it?” Gwil asks. “Why?”

“Well, because Rami was— sick,” Ben says again. “It wasn’t right to check it then.”

“Well, I don’t think he’d’ve been offended, love,” Gwil says, “but why’d you delete it?”

“It’s not as if it’s gone forever, it’s right there in my trash folder,” Ben says.

“So check it,” Rami says, giving Ben a smile. “It could be good news.”

“It could also not be,” Ben says. He sniffles a bit, and looks at Gwil, hands trembling a bit. A few weeks earlier, Ben had already gotten an email from London saying that he hadn’t been accepted. That was obviously his top choice, and it was upsetting to know that the options now were that Ben wouldn’t get in anywhere, or that he would and would have to move. He'd had to take some time to rank the other four, decide on a second and third choice just in case he got accepted to more than one. Aberystwyth and Liverpool were close, but Aberystwyth came out on top as Ben’s second choice. If he doesn’t get in now, it’s just going to break his heart even more. 

“Do you want me to look?” Gwil asks gently.

“I…don’t know,” Ben says, nervously bouncing his feet up and down. “What if it’s a no?”

“What if it’s a yes?” Gwil asks, smiling.

“I’ll read it,” Rami says, “give it here.”

Ben looks at Rami, surprised, and then lets out a shaky breath as he takes his phone out of his pocket again, unlocking it before he hands it over. He closes his eyes and reaches out to Gwil, who grabs his hand. “It’s stupid,” he says, “we should be focusing on _Rami_ right now, not me, I can’t—”

Rami gently clears his throat. “ _Dear Ben Hardy, it is our…_ ”

Ben opens his eyes and looks up at Rami, squeezing Gwil’s hand so tightly that his knuckles are white. “Yeah?” he asks.

Rami grins. “ _It is our pleasure to inform you of your admission to study towards the MA in Archives and Record Management at the Aberystwyth University Department of Information Studies._ ”

Ben’s bottom lip trembles and his eyes immediately fill with tears, and he looks down, wiping at his face, trying to hide it.

“Love,” Gwil says gently, and Ben just shakes his head.

“Ben, that’s lovely news,” Rami says. “Oh, god, Ben. Congratulations.”

“Love, what’s wrong?” Gwil asks softly, and Ben just lifts his head up and throws his arms around Gwil, pulling him in. “Love, what— Ben, you got in, you’re going back to uni. Congratulations, oh my god. We— we need a cake! We need— as soon as Rami’s better, we’ll all go out together, a really posh restaurant for a proper celebration and—” Gwil just grins at Ben, shaking his head a bit. “Why aren’t you— you should be excited, love! This is— this is what you wanted, right?”

Ben buries his face in Gwil’s neck and starts crying, shoulders shaking as the sobs wrack his body.

Gwil looks at Rami with concern, and rubs Ben’s back, trying to soothe him. “What’s wrong?” he asks softly.

“Ben, you should be so proud of yourself,” Rami says. “I’m proud of you; we all are.”

Ben takes a deep breath that breaks and he keeps loudly crying, and Gwil just keeps rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. “I think we’ve all had a long few days,” Gwil says, “and you’re just a bit tired, love. But it’s alright. Get it all out, it’s alright. Aren’t you excited?”

Ben sniffles, wiping his cheek on Gwil’s shoulder. “I don’t want to leave you,” he says softly.

Gwil chuckles a bit. “I think Rami and Joe understand, love. Although, shit, you’re going to have to tell Joe. He’ll be so upset he missed the good news, but he’ll be proper chuffed when he finds out."

Ben sniffles again, pulling back, wiping at his face. “No, I— I mean, well no, I don’t want to leave them either,” he says, “of course not.”

“That’s alright,” Rami says, giving him a smile. “I still love you, even though you’re going away.”

Ben smiles a bit, looking down at his lap. “I just…I don’t want to leave you,” he says, looking back up at Gwil.

Gwil frowns, reaching out to wipe at Ben’s cheek. “Why, where are you going?” he asks.

“Wales,” Ben says.

“Yes…” Gwil says slowly. “And, alright then, where am _I_ going?”

Ben frowns, and wipes at his eyes. “Nowhere,” he says.

“Oh,” Gwil says, confused. “Uh, well, that’s news to me, love. I thought—” He glances over at Rami. “Uh, maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else,” he says.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Rami says. “But you’ll have to be the ones to move, I’m a bit…stuck here.”

Gwil watches Ben for a moment, and then reaches up, gently cupping his face. “I am sorry, love,” he says softly.

Ben sniffles loudly, looking up at him. “It’s alright,” he says. “I knew— I knew you wouldn’t…it’s fine.” He wipes at his eyes, and then just stares off to the side, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat.

“Erm, sorry for what?” Rami asks loudly. “I swear to _god_ , Gwil, I will kill you if—”

“I'm sorry because I was just remembering,” Gwil says, smiling at Rami, "that when I moved into my flat, I told Rami he could pick the next one.”

“What?” Ben asks, looking over at him.

Gwil grins. “So…especially now, what with him being sick and all, I really do think we have to let him help.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asks, frowning. He studies Gwil, the look on his face, and blinks slowly. “Uh…” He sniffles again. “Are you sure?” he asks hesitantly.

Gwil nods. “I— I don’t see why not,” he says. “I think it’s a brilliant idea.”

Ben just looks at Gwil. “No, I— I meant—”

“Yes,” Gwil says, reaching out to squeeze Ben’s hand. “So did I. And I can’t wait.”

“Really?” Ben asks.

“Of course, love,” Gwil says quietly. “Promised, didn’t I?” He tugs Ben in for a quick kiss, then pulls back with a smile. “You didn’t really think I’d let you go alone, did you?”

“I…” Ben shakes his head slowly, trailing off. “I don’t know,” he says.

“Alright, losers,” Joe says, knocking on the doorframe. “Time’s up.”

“Joe, we’re in a hospital,” Ginnie says, following behind him. “Try to be a bit more polite.”

Joe opens his mouth to say something, and then he takes in the sight of the three of them in front of him, frowning. “What’s going on?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” Rami asks.

Joe walks into the room, looking at Ben. “What— what happened? What’s wrong? Ben, are you okay?”

Ben nods slowly, wiping at his face. “I’m fine, yeah,” he says.

“Tell him, love,” Gwil says softly.

Ben shakily stands up, and steps over to Joe. He sniffles, and tries to give him a smile. “I— I got into uni,” he says.

“Oh my god!” Joe says, pulling Ben into a hug. “Ben!” he exclaims, and Ben winces a bit because Joe’s mouth is right by his ear as he yells it. Joe pulls back, grinning, and then pulls him back in. “Oh my god,” he says, “that’s— I mean, we always knew that was going to happen, but Ben! Buddy! Congra—”

“In Wales,” Ben says, pulling back. “I got in in Wales.”

“Fuck yeah, second choice,” Joe says. “Mom, are you hearing this?”

“That’s lovely, Ben,” Ginnie says, opening her arms to Ben as well. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Ben says softly, squeezing her tightly for a moment.

“Ben, seriously,” Joe says. “Fuck— oh my god yes.”

“Joe, please,” Ginnie says.

“Mom, my best friend just got into university,” Joe says. “My best friend got into university,” he says again. “That’s— that’s my best friend. Ben Hardy, my best friend.”

“Yes, you said that, I think,” Gwil says, smirking at Rami, who just smiles. He looks over at Ben. “Did you hear that, love?” he asks. “Joe’s best mate got into uni.”

“When did you find out?” Joe asks. “Just now? How are we feeling? Gwil, what do you think?”

“I’m ecstatic,” Gwil says.

“Of course you are,” Joe says, before he looks back at Ben. “I mean, to be fair, I think you could…” He shakes his head a bit. “Gwil’s easily impressed by you,” he says, laughing a bit, and both Gwil and Ben frown. “Oh man,” he says. “You— man. Congratulations.” He hugs Ben again, squeezing him tightly. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too,” Ben says. He swallows hard, pulling back, giving them all a shaky smile. “I’m— _we’re_ moving to Wales.”

“Oh my gosh!” Rami says suddenly, and the four of them all quickly turn to him, Joe dropping down on his knees beside the bed, taking Rami’s hand.

“Babe,” Joe says, “it’s okay, just breathe with me. Are you okay? Should we call the doctor?”

“I’m fine,” Rami says, smiling at him. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What happened?” Joe asks.

Rami makes an excited noise, kicking his feet a bit under his blankets. “A cat,” he says. "You can get a cat.”

“Oh my god, Rami,” Joe says, standing back up. “I thought you like, couldn’t breathe or something. Don’t scare me like that.”

“A housewarming present,” Rami says, before looking at Joe. “I know, I’m sorry,” he says, and Joe leans in to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m alright, I promise.”

“Okay,” Joe says, gently squeezing his hand. “I just…okay.” He smiles at Rami, and then stands up, still holding onto his hand. “Though, I gotta say guys, I kind of agree with him.”

“We don’t need to talk about that now,” Ben says, shaking his head a bit. “I— there are two too many people in this room,” he says, looking around. “So I’m going to go out there for a bit.”

“I’ll come with you, love,” Gwil says.

“Just a second,” Rami says. “Gwil, can you stay for a moment?”

Gwil frowns a bit, but nods. “Yes, of course.”

“Alright,” Ben says. “I’ll be out there.”

“Come on,” Joe says, clapping Ben on the back a couple times. “Me and Mom will buy you a Coke Zero to celebrate,” he says, and the three of them walk out of the hospital room.

“Well?” Gwil asks, sitting down in the chair next to the bed, looking at Rami.

“Nothing,” Rami says, smiling faintly.

“Rami,” Gwil says. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Rami says again, and he reaches out to take Gwil’s hand. “You’re going to move to Wales,” he says.

“I am,” Gwil says, nodding. He swallows hard. “And that’s alright?” he asks, voice wavering a bit.

Rami looks at Gwil for a moment, and then nods. “Of course it is,” he says. “I’ve always wanted the two of you to be happy.”

“I know,” Gwil says, squeezing Rami’s hand. “I just…after everything, after _this_ , I— I hate the idea of leaving you.” 

“I know,” Rami says. “And I— I’m not…well, I was going to say I’m not happy about it, but I am, because I’m so proud of him, but…what you two have been through, I— well I’m so lucky with Joe, and our families. Of course I’ll miss seeing you every day, but…it’s for the best. For both of you.” He smiles at him. “I’m just happy I’m here to— to see it.”

“Rami,” Gwil says softly, and Rami just shakes his head, reaching up to wipe his eyes.

“I’m alright,” Rami says, “I’m fine. Just being dramatic.”

“Rami, if something had happened— if you had died, I…” Gwil shakes his head. “I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“I know,” Rami says. “I don’t know what you would’ve done either, honestly. That worries me.”

“I know,” Gwil says. He looks down for a moment, biting the inside of his lip. “I just— don’t do it again, alright?” he says, looking up, trying to crack a smile and lighten the mood.

Rami smiles back. “I’ll try not to,” he says. “I’ve still got loads of things on my to-do list.”

“I love you, Rami,” Gwil says, and Rami just nods quickly, reaching up to wipe at his eyes again.

“I love you too,” he says softly, sniffling. 

“You’re my best mate,” Gwil continues, and Rami nods. “But— I’m actually really excited to go.”

Rami grins, nodding happily. “Good,” he says. “Good. That’s lovely. I’m so happy for you both.” He squeezes Gwil’s hand. “And you— you can visit every weekend, or we can come to you. You’re not going far. It’ll take some adjusting to, but in the end, I think we’ll be okay. I won’t even notice you’re gone.”

“That’s not true,” Gwil says.

Rami smiles, shaking his head. “No, it’s not,” he says. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t be okay. We’re always okay.” He takes a deep breath, and yawns, wiggling a bit under the sheets.

“Get some rest,” Gwil says. 

“No,” Rami says, “I don’t want to miss anything.”

Gwil laughs softly. “There’s nothing to miss right now,” he says. 

"All the celebrating!" Rami exclaims. "Ben's gotten into university, and I'm stuck in a bloody hospital bed, where's the fun in that."

“You need a nap," Gwil says. "And I’ll be here when you wake up. Or…in the building at least. Around."

Rami laughs softly. “I know,” he says, smiling faintly. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Gwil whispers. He watches Rami for a bit, listening to the sounds of his breathing; it’s still not as deep or as strong as it should be, but it’s getting better. And he will be better. He thinks about how he could have lost Rami, and how awful that would have been, but his best mate is still alive, is still right here in front of him, and he’s so thankful. _So_ thankful. It almost feels wrong now, to be making plans to leave him and move to Wales with Ben, after he could have lost Rami, but at the same time…things feel alright. They’re all going to be alright. Gwil smiles.

He stands up, walking out into the hallway. He turns down towards the waiting room, where Ginnie, Joe, and Ben are sitting next to each other, and Ginnie's got her glasses on, reading Ben's acceptance email.

"Isn't that something," Ginnie says, handing his mobile back to him. "Ben, good for you, I hope you're proud."

"I am, thank you," Ben says softly. He looks up when Gwil sits down next to him, and reaches out to take Gwil's hand, smiling at his ring before leaning in to give him a quick kiss.

"Rami's going to have a bit of a nap, I think," Gwil says, settling in next to Ben, squeezing his hand.

"I should get back in there then," Joe says quickly, standing up. Then he stops, and looks at Ben, and leans in, kissing his forehead. "Proud of you, buddy," he says softly.

"Thank you," Ben says.

Ginnie watches Joe walk away, and then turns back to Gwil and Ben, smiling at them. "I hope you boys were alright the last couple days," she says. "I know it can be hard."

Gwil nods. "It was," he agrees, "but I think we'll be alright now."

"Good," Ginnie says. "Good! I plan on making you lots of home-cooked meals before I fly back."

Gwil laughs at that. "I certainly won't complain," he says. "Can't think of the last vegetable I ate."

Ginnie laughs a bit. "I'm going to go in there, make sure Joe is behaving himself," she says, "leave you two to it."

"Oh, that's alright, Ginnie," Ben says, but she just waves him off and stands up, walking down the hall. "Joe's going to be ready to kill her by the time she leaves," he murmurs, and Gwil laughs a bit.

"I think she can take him," Gwil says. He sighs, settling back in his seat, looking over at Ben. "Are you alright?" he asks.

"Me?" Ben asks. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"Why did you think you'd have to leave me?" Gwil asks. "I told you I'd be going with you."

Ben shrugs. "I just thought you...it was easy to say, when there was still a chance I'd get into London. I didn't know if you...really meant it, is all."

"I love you, Ben," Gwil says, and Ben nods.

"I know," he says. "I love you too." He leans in, giving Gwil a quick kiss, resting against his side.

"And I'm not leaving you," Gwil says.

Ben takes a breath, and nods, squeezing Gwil's hand. "Okay," he says. "I believe you."

"Good," Gwil says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Ben's head. They sit there together for a few moments, just silently resting against each other, until Ben starts to grin, and then he softly laughs. "What's so funny?" Gwil asks.

"Nothing," Ben says, shaking his head. "Just imagining Rami trying to pick us out a flat."

Gwil grins. "What about Rami trying to pick us out a _cat_?" he asks.

Ben looks up at him. "I think I'd like that," he says.

"Yeah?" Gwil asks, and Ben nods. "Alright then," he says. "So do I."

Ben smiles in relief, and gives him another kiss. He just snuggles against him, and Gwil wraps his arm around him, pulling him in close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • seeeeeeeee? Rami's fine! he'll be fine. I hope nobody was actually worried! they're all fine, and happy!  
> • I feel like this is so much story, it's long, but I feel good about it, and the little steps that each of them taken together.  
> • I know it just started as an angst fest, but I wanted good things to happen to them. good things happen to those who wait!  
> • please share your thoughts, if you have any, and I hope you enjoy it! thank you as always.


End file.
